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Too lonely!

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Awkward
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06 May 2018, 8:04 am

Since i graduated from high school, i dont have any connection with people, except my family. I listed possible reasons of my loneliness below.

Possible reasons:
1. People hate me.
2. People see me as a weird / ret*d person.
3. I'm usually at home, im not in a social group.
4. I dont talk with anyone, unless someone starts talking with me, and i talk too less.
5. I'm anxious and nervous around people (my face gets red, etc...)
6. I'm too fat (97 kilograms).

So why am i too lonely? Please choose the most reasonable one. Because I dont know the exact reason. So if i dont know why im lonely, i cant solve it. If i dont solve i will be forever alone! :( I'm 20 year old virgin & complete loser, i dont have any friends. its horrific, i need to take some control. The time is passing and there are only 1339 days until my 24th birthday. Help!



Arganger
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06 May 2018, 9:27 am

Awkward wrote:
Since i graduated from high school, i dont have any connection with people, except my family. I listed possible reasons of my loneliness below.

Possible reasons:
1. People hate me.
2. People see me as a weird / ret*d person.
3. I'm usually at home, im not in a social group.
4. I dont talk with anyone, unless someone starts talking with me, and i talk too less.
5. I'm anxious and nervous around people (my face gets red, etc...)
6. I'm too fat (97 kilograms).

So why am i too lonely? Please choose the most reasonable one. Because I dont know the exact reason. So if i dont know why im lonely, i cant solve it. If i dont solve i will be forever alone! :( I'm 20 year old virgin & complete loser, i dont have any friends. its horrific, i need to take some control. The time is passing and there are only 1339 days until my 24th birthday. Help!


Probably 3,4 and 5.
Try joining a group that does something you like.


_________________
Diagnosed autistic level 2, ODD, anxiety, dyspraxic, essential tremors, depression (Doubted), CAPD, hyper mobility syndrome
Suspected; PTSD (Treated, as my counselor did notice), possible PCOS, PMDD, Learning disabilities (Sure of it, unknown what they are), possibly something wrong with immune system (Sick about as much as I'm not) Possible EDS- hyper mobility type (Will be getting tested, suggested by doctor) dysautonomia


aur462
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06 May 2018, 9:54 am

I strongly recommend a mentor or a counselor to assist with self-esteem issues and actions you may benefit from.

The issues you enumerated are dense and “sticky”. Big changes usually occur slowly. Be prepared for some hard work.

Have you read the criteria for social anxiety disorder? ASD provokes anxiety as it is, but social anxiety could an unwelcome comorbidity making it even worse.

One thing for sure: project as positive an image as you can. Generally, negativity and self-loathing drives people away very quickly. Additionally, you may find the friends you do make to be very negative.



AprilR
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06 May 2018, 4:02 pm

I think you're being too hard on yourself. Autism affects social interaction, of course you will feel lonely sometimes! You don't have to judge yourself by other people's standards. If you genuinely want to have friends though, i think focusing on your interests and joining courses or some internet forums about that interest can help you. That way, friendship can come naturally too. (Oh by the way i'm Turkish too! It's so rare to meet another Turkish autistic person!)



Awkward
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07 May 2018, 8:25 am

aur462 wrote:
I strongly recommend a mentor or a counselor to assist with self-esteem issues and actions you may benefit from.

The issues you enumerated are dense and “sticky”. Big changes usually occur slowly. Be prepared for some hard work.

Have you read the criteria for social anxiety disorder? ASD provokes anxiety as it is, but social anxiety could an unwelcome comorbidity making it even worse.

One thing for sure: project as positive an image as you can. Generally, negativity and self-loathing drives people away very quickly. Additionally, you may find the friends you do make to be very negative.


Yes, i will make an appointment soon, for therapy. Thanks for the reply.



Awkward
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07 May 2018, 8:27 am

Arganger wrote:
Awkward wrote:
Since i graduated from high school, i dont have any connection with people, except my family. I listed possible reasons of my loneliness below.

Possible reasons:
1. People hate me.
2. People see me as a weird / ret*d person.
3. I'm usually at home, im not in a social group.
4. I dont talk with anyone, unless someone starts talking with me, and i talk too less.
5. I'm anxious and nervous around people (my face gets red, etc...)
6. I'm too fat (97 kilograms).

So why am i too lonely? Please choose the most reasonable one. Because I dont know the exact reason. So if i dont know why im lonely, i cant solve it. If i dont solve i will be forever alone! :( I'm 20 year old virgin & complete loser, i dont have any friends. its horrific, i need to take some control. The time is passing and there are only 1339 days until my 24th birthday. Help!


Probably 3,4 and 5.
Try joining a group that does something you like.


Thanks for reply. I'm preparing for university exam right now. Once i get to university, i'll look for a way to socialize at least a little bit.



Awkward
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07 May 2018, 8:28 am

AprilR wrote:
I think you're being too hard on yourself. Autism affects social interaction, of course you will feel lonely sometimes! You don't have to judge yourself by other people's standards. If you genuinely want to have friends though, i think focusing on your interests and joining courses or some internet forums about that interest can help you. That way, friendship can come naturally too. (Oh by the way i'm Turkish too! It's so rare to meet another Turkish autistic person!)


Nice, do you speak turkish? I feel left out in this country because autism rate is very low here. So it's considered as rare.



AprilR
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07 May 2018, 9:34 am

Awkward wrote:
Nice, do you speak turkish? I feel left out in this country because autism rate is very low here. So it's considered as rare.


Evet tabi ki :) It just feels strange to type it i guess! I think autism rate is normal too but awareness is very low and people with high functioning autism just don't know they have it. Good luck on your exams by the way! Umarım üniversite yılların güzel ve mutlu geçer!



Awkward
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07 May 2018, 9:38 am

AprilR wrote:
Awkward wrote:
Nice, do you speak turkish? I feel left out in this country because autism rate is very low here. So it's considered as rare.


Evet tabi ki :) It just feels strange to type it i guess! I think autism rate is normal too but awareness is very low and people with high functioning autism just don't know they have it. Good luck on your exams by the way! Umarım üniversite yılların güzel ve mutlu geçer!


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SuSaNnA
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07 May 2018, 10:03 am

Try establishing a group of internet friends, especially people who share your hobby.

I made most of my friends and connections from people who play Pokemon. And I know all of them initially from the internet.
We then meet up regularly in real life and so.