panic attack at a bachelorette party

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Went out for Indian food with three other females, one of whom is set to marry in March. It was supposed to be a bachelorette party. Started panicking at the restaurant. Had to go home. I know this probably belongs in the Haven or something...
I can be out in public in certain contexts, but eating at a restaurant with 3 other females is not one of them. Also I guess I can't be in public sober...or with people I don't know very well.
I am so embarrassed. I have no idea why I attempted to do that in the first place.

I will also have panic attacks when not sober and with people I know well.

I should just never do that...never never never....

I can never face those people again.

Oh heck - I've done that and abandoned people in shops too

These days if i feel brave enough to try it, i forewarn people that i'm likely to leave at random if i don't feel comfortable - and that they shouldn't panic about it

I feel so rotten right now.

I don't think they believe me when I tell them I have issues. I am worried that they think I did this for attention... ...or somehow wanted to deliberately screw up their party.

I really just wanted to be normal and do a normal thing...I was hoping it would not be too far beyond my scope....but it was...

My chest hurts and my stomach hurts and I have been crying for the last two hours....partially because I got confused in the line when we were paying.

Stupid meltdowns very mad at self.
stomach hurts...dumb cycle won't stop...
um...
mad at self for mentioning AS to the other people...grrr...

But nobody died. There should be recovery. But that kind of embarrassment is hard.

Ok - it happened: But if you will be asked to take part in a party in future and you can't refuse the invitation on what reason ever: Appear, stay for 20 or 30 minutes, make some excuses ("Hard day tomorrow .... blah ...") and leave.

Did i get that right?

So if these people can get over it they might make good new friends - if they dont and jump to all the wrong conclusions without getting your point of view 1st - then you didnt want them as friends anyways

Giggles - maybe its just a shortcut to friend making

If you dont want to mention aspergers as your reason 4 leaving - just say crowds bother you or you have mild agoraphobia - friends get the hang of it after a bit and dont look so sideways at random very brief public appearances - or say you had a pixie attack - my friends deal with them ones fine - am i lucky?

I still say you're brave to even try a restaurant - i havent been near one in years

I was going to post something similar to these rationalizations and ideas but FePixie covered it.

Good help there from FePixie.

Here's what I do about these things:

1. Evade: Get out of the event before you even attend (weather works well for this during New England winter).

2. Go: Walk in the door and give warm fuzzies to everyone. Get a non-alcoholic drink in your hand.

3. Evaluate: "Can I stay here for more than five minutes?"

4. If answer to #3 is NO, then give well-wishes to the person "honored" at the fete, and say "I can't stay" (got work to do, pick up the kids, whatever) and go.

5. Go home and drink, if you must.

Never confuse AS+alcohol for NT--it doesn't work in the long term.

if during a party or social function i end up holding a drink for fifteen minutes following wood grain in the table, counting the condensation rings, occasionally smiling or smirking to cover for the boredom, etc. taking a bathroom break for ten minutes of staring at the walls, ceiling, counts as panic,

then yes. maybe.

Yikes, sorry to hear that PPL. Sometimes I think the embarrasment/beating-oneself-up afterwards is 10 times worse than the thing that caused it.

And maybe it wasn't quite as bad as seems ATM. (I'm in little position to say much since I'm usually too embarrased to go back and see if I really did mess up "fatally" or not...) These days I try to tell myself it will look different to me in the morning, as opposed to the hell of how it seems when my brain is still making me re-live it over and over.

I don't know how you feel about meds, but an anti-anxiety med might be more practical (and more easily usable) than alcohol.

This is so un-PC - but why couldn't you drink?

I am getting panicky thinking about your situation.

There needs to be a seperate group for aspies who drink and have no apologies. I know some very, very successful public figures who can't function in social settings without a drink.

And AA talk is just an insult.

Only those who understand, would understand.

I don't know if "AA talk" was directed at what I wrote, but I meant that literally. You can take xanax with an Rx and legally drive, with alcohol that's not possible. I have used alcohol to survive social situations, but then if I get overloaded and need to leave suddenly, I'm stuck because I'll get a DUI if I get pulled over (and I rarely have rides). And in some situations you just can't drink. It has nothing to do with moral judgments or AA or anything else. Sheesh.

(And yes, you can get a DUI for xanax or whatever but you at least have a chance or arguing it in court.)

Ah, geez...what? No - my post had nothing to do with you!

And why can't someone advocate a cocktail or two? Why does it have to be DUI or nothing?

Look - I'm sorry you've had your ups and downs.

My point is - some aspies can do it in moderation...why is that not even an option??? Why can't we even discuss that?

I WILL NOT drive after drinking. End of statement. It's cab, designated driver, hotel, or I don't go out.

I take xanax when I need to. I use caution there, too.

Opps... I guess I over-reacted a little. Sorry.



Well, please don't assume a backstory that isn't there. I don't drink and drive, so have never had any DUI's, and have never had any drinking problems. And I never said anybody couldn't discuss anything.

The thing about "drinking moderately" is, even with just two drinks you're stuck over the legal limit for 2 hours -- and if you get to the "gotta get out NOW" point before then, that's a long time to wait. And it's not "DUI or nothing," it's that drinking moderately and DUI are not mutually exclusive.

(And no, my awareness of these things is not from personal experience; I just tend to remember rules & laws that I think are designed (at least partly) disingenuously or (partly) as "gotchas". (like police seizure and sale of property without a trial or conviction))



Good. Neither do I, except that neither cabs nor anyone else will drive me to my house out in the boondocks, and I rarely have spare money for a hotel off-the-cuff, which means I plan very carefully or I stay home. Part of that comes from realizing that, depending on circumstances, drinking moderately may be a legal oxymoron. (And that can make an anti-anxiety med helpful tool.) If I lived in the city and had lots of spare money there would be more leisurely options available. (but I prefer staying home nowadays, anyway)



Yep. I see no difference between xanax and ethanol, even though they're regarded differently -- but sensible or not that means there are situations where use of one will be ok, but use of the other will be considered inappropriate.

Never said it was easy and I never said I have a flourishing social life.

I live in the suburbs of Atlanta - which may as well be the boondocks. In fact, almost everyone I know - aspie or not- is stuck at home in their own little outposts because no one wants to drive to go out because of the whole DUI thing. Cabs aren't really an option because its about 60 miles to one of my best and geographically closest friend's house - but that's just the scale of the Atlanta sprawl.

Actually, about the only time I socialize is when I'm travelling. I just got back from two weeks "on the road". Some personal (a wedding) and some business. What a hoot! I had some crazy nights (lost count of the # of drinks) and a few 1-2 drink nights. Spoke to (and apparently became realy good friends with) a whole bunch of people. Most of whom I couldn't even understand because of the APD but I'm really good at nodding and smiling.

Swear to God - I couldn't have handled ANY of it without at least the prospect of a drink.

Then again, I've had my fill of parties for another 6 months or so.

But the situations and lessons (for me) were very relevent to poopylungstuffing's Indian restaurant nightmare.

Alcohol (for me) might be the secret elixir to deal with social situations in a (relatively) socially acceptable way. Its totally un-PC - especially here in the Puritanical USA - but my other choices are to hide in the bathroom during dinner (done that), pretend to be on my cell phone out in the parking lot (done that), never, ever go out and lose all contact with the outside world (still do that).

So - why do other cultures imbibe without all the Calvinist guilt? Japan - which as a country and culture - is very reserved and self-conscious during the day - goes all crazy after work with beer and karaoke. Sounds like Bridget Jones therapy to me!