"Just deal with it."

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Those are the words I have been longing to hear for ever.... That day has not came yet.
I'm tired of getting special treatment, and having so much support. It is ANNOYING. It also doesn't help. It pretty much encourages me to be lazy.
I keep telling my parents and teachers to say "DEAL WITH IT" but they say "Nooooo, you have Aspergers, you can't control things that other people can."
The help always backfires. I honestly would rather get no support and fail, then get support and pass. At least I did it on my own.

In my first year of high school I didn't know what I was getting into. I failed 2 courses. They say "See, you can't handle this on your own, you need support." Maybe its because
1. Its my first YEAR and that I didn't know what I'm getting into
and
2. That I just got incredibly lazy from all the support I have been given.

I mean, just because I failed 2 courses on my first year of being completely independent doesn't mean I am not capable.
MANY other kids failed, does that make them have Aspergers and not able to do stuff independently? NO.

Every body sees my Aspergers as "Can be really bright but needs support." when really its "Has trouble doing stuff in groups and is way better working alone, and hates and doesn't need the support at ALL."

Support sucks. All it does is give you an excuse to be lazy.
and Aspergers to me seems like an excuse for special privileges.
This is coming from an Aspie.

Yeah I've noticed the special treatment I've gotten from people. Why was everything a big deal I did but not a big deal for other kids? I got this a lot when I was in school.

When NTs say "Life is unfair", usually they want to be treated better then everyone else.
When Aspies say "Life is unfair", usually they want to be treated the same or even less better then everyone else.

Assistance should be like training wheels on a bicycle. You use them enough so you learn how to get on, off and how to move forward. Then, they come off.

Some people think helping someone with a handicap (choice of words) means providing someone to do things for them, but what best serves them is helping them learn how to best deal with real situations without needing another person there for them.

Could it be possible that the more proactive you are, the less opportunity to support you they will have?

How often do you express that it pretty much encourages you to be lazy? I would believe that someone that was truly supportive would acknowledge this. If they are teaching you to need support then you are going to be completely helpless when the time comes that you don't have anyone to support you.

I used to think like this when I was at school (wanted NO HELP whatsoever, and mostly got my wish when they realized I was serious), but now at Uni I feel I've struck a balance; where I get the help I need, but no more or less. I do all my work and assignments etc the same as everyone else; on my own, I do get a little bit of extra time and sit exams separately (but that's it). The main help I get is having a weekly meeting with a Student Services staff member, who pretty much sits down with me and makes sure that I haven't forgotten to do anything, checks what I'm supposed to be doing and due dates etc, and I'm up to date with all my assignments etc, and helps me with organizing stuff (which is my biggest problem). I don't feel this sort of thing is unfair discrimination, as I doubt a weekly meeting such as this for an NT student would make any difference to their grades - as generally they manage to remember to do assignments on their own. I'm never entirely sure about the extra 10minutes in exams though, although I do tend to take longer cause I get distracted and caught up in details.

Yes, so pretty much I'm your average student, who has an organizational meeting once a week. I am very happy with this arrangement. I think the important thing to stress with parents and teachers is that this is the sort of thing that causes the most problems, not your inability to do work or academic problems (from what I've read). You need to be really firm with your parents and teachers about it, but try to strike a compromise with them; "I could continue getting help with this, but I don't really need help with that".

One of the arguments I've been known to have with people is about whether kids are driven to fly away, or if they'll seek to take the short cut.

I think they - you - are driven to fly away.

As a parent, I believe that if you want the option to fall flat on your face because it would be YOUR effort, all yours, then you should have it. Assuming we're not talking something dangerous here. Sometimes you need to test the wings, see if they are ready to fly.

But, geez, that is a tough one for parents. We don't WANT to see our kids fall, and we're so afraid they will, particularly if there have been missteps in the past. My son has needed extra support this year, his first year in Middle School, but one day the whole thing got to him in a different way, and he told me NOT to go through and try to make his work more legible because he was frustrated that what he was capable of doing on his own wasn't good enough. Sure, he told me, he wants A's, but he wants them to be HIS A's.

Driven to fly away.

I totally hear what you are saying.

I think you need to tell your parents that it is really, really important for you to test your wings. That you appreciate the offers of support but that if you never test your wings you will never know what you are truly ready for. Tell them to keep the options in place, but that you don't want to use them unless you feel they are absolutely necessary. Tell them that it won't be the worst thing in the world if you get a bad grade - you will learn something about how grades work and about yourself, and that will help you move forward with solutions that YOU are vested in.

We're also capable of feeling really proud of the fact that our kids truly are driven to fly. It can be quite a discovery for a parent, seeing how driven towards independence a child can be.

Dear AlMighyAl,

Just deal with it ... and have a nice day!

-Fnord

Thank you all.
Too bad it didn't come from my parents and teachers though...

Interesting, I use to hear "Deal with it!" a lot....this coming from my teachers, parents, and lot of people in the academic department. Sometimes it worked, many times it didn't. But I wasn't diagnosed up until recently.

No I don't believe that all asd people get special priveledges, some of us just live our lives the way we're "suppose" to. I do argree that you shouldn't use aspergers as the ultimate excuse for the problems in your life. But I didn't go to these special schools or get any extra help for some of these challenges I faced.

Anyway, stop whining and deal with it!

I wasn't diagnosed with AS until 4 years after highschool, so I went to school with the exact same standards and expectations of eveyone else, most of which I resoundingly failed to live up to. Looking back I can say that perhaps I would have liked some resource classes and have been able to not attend the subjects that I didn't care for and focus exclusively on my interests. If I had known I had AS growing up and had been able to receive some appropriate help, than I think I would have a much more satisfying adult life than the one I currently have.

I feel that lack of awareness of AS forced me to learn by trial-and-error how to exist on the fringe of society and master just enough social skills to survive. I think not being diagnosed at an early age toughened me up and gave me those naiveity-destroying interactions with my peers that would not have occured if I would have been labeled as "special" and segregated into a resource class. Despite the bullying and humiliation that came in school, I wouldn't have had it the other way because my experiences growing up tought me a ton of valuable lessons, albiet the hard way. I was always told just to "deal with it," which I eventually did.

But if I was going through the school system with Aspergers, I would prefer some help but be allowed to gradually develop my independence. In other words, I would want a healthy balance of assistance and freedom. I could gradually test the waters but there would be a safety net there if I got in over my head.

My parents raised me with the "just deal with it" mentality, and I'm glad that they did.

It's a situation of "either fail now, or fail later". It's better to fail early, and learn from your mistakes than it is to be prevented from failing by your parents/teachers and then have it bite you in the ass when there is no more protection. Because everyone fails at some point or another when they're young, but if you don't make those same mistakes until you're much older, then you will be so far behind your peers that you'll likely never catch up.