Do you take things "too personally"

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Along with probable AS I also have major depression and anxiety. At times it's hard for me to know which end is up. One of my ways of compensating is to totally shut down and not show any emotion. At other times I "practice" letting my guard down, usually with people I trust. Most people who know me know not to come at me with a long list of "helpful suggestions", problems, or issues. Even though they say to not take it personally, I do, to a great degree. Today was one of those days.

I am living at my church for a while and in exchange I do the majority of the cleaning. For the past month NOBODY has done any cleaning except for me. So today my "supervisor" was here and said I wasn't filling out the communication book correctly. She had asked me to make a list of stuff that needed to be done so I did, but I did that wrong too. She then pointed out I have boundary issues. WHAT does this have to do with cleaning? She kept saying "don't take it personally" or some variation of that. I told her before to not come at me with a list of stuff i'm doing "wrong" and to not let things like that pile up. She even acknowledged I told her that previously, but she did it anyway. Oh, and here is the really nice thing about it all, she NEVER told me about these rules I was supposedly breaking. It was all I could do to hold it together in front of her. so I went upstairs and had a breakdown.

I'm becoming painfully aware of situations in which I take things the wrong way or I don't get my point across. I get so frustrated but don't know how to get that frustration out. Has anyone learned how to not take things too personally? My former employer had me go to a communication class and it didn't help. This is probably going to bother me for days now.

I'm no expert but I think you need professional help.

Thanks for telling me what I already know. I am already getting professional help, i just don't want to have to repeat my whole story on every post, that's why I didn't include that information. I just wanted to know if anybody here could relate.

It's good to see that you're taking care of youself and your problems at a professional level.

I know what you're going through. I also have severe anxiety/bipolar issues. On meds, I'm fine though. Your boss was only saying, "Don't take this personally" because she didn't want you to think she didn't like you or wanted to hurt your feelings. She was criticizing your performance and not you.

She had no right to criticize you because she never spelled out the rules to begin with. But, you have to let that be HER problem and chalk it off to her issues. That will help you take it less personally.

It's really good to see people like Isnessofwhatis come out and talk about their problems like this after all of this time and become a contributing member of the website.

Turning the other cheek

Opening the door.

I do take things seriously --- I may offend many people without me knowing!

I hate it when my social position and self confidence gets endangered.
I dont mind negative remarks generally, but i hate it when its used to put me in my place when its not even necessary...
Hope this makes sense, cuz my life doesnt.

i been told or read somewhere that aspie people get frusterated with normal type people as they dont seem to understand us or get us, i too am an oversensetive but take a medication which is a mood controler to level me out as i use to take offence with everything, i think the term i heard used was neurogolicial types im not sure if that means aspie people or normal people, im sure we are normal people but we are just abit different to thoses around us, i hate my oversensetive side and always feel attacked or put up barrier and become non feeling, and then stress out over everything

With the exception of PTSD, I don't have any other known disorders. I think they throw in other ones when it's part of Aspergers. Like the kid that throws aweful tantrums is also bi-polar for his Aspergers symptom. Or the over active kid who is ADHD for his Aspergers symptom.

Anyway, it's how the psychological field makes money...oops I mean pharmaceutical field since they can't with autism.

Anyway, sorry, soft spot. I kinda understand what you are feeling. I go through that major. My nephew (aspie) does too. I think it helps to be completely honest with the people you deal with like remind them that they never told you that before, and they could come up with a more polite way to be telling you for the first time. But I'm a domineering individual and that usually gets me fired, so maybe your best thing to do is not say anything except, "Yes mam and Yes Sir." Yeah, military experience does help get rid of that taking things personal trip. But if that's not an option, just pretend you are. Consider yourself equally a terd compared to everyone else. You graduate to maggot when you learn how to operate as a unit with your co-workers.

I think I sometimes expect myself to stand out better than everyone else because in my mind, I do my job better than everyone else. Nobody really appreciates that though. It's like you are saying you are better than them when you do better than them. So, just think that all the mistakes you make is really a good thing as it makes other people feel better about themselves...hehehehe. Seriously, just take it in as a learning experience. If you can't help but to take it personal, just humble yourself and be like, well, I can do better, and then just do that. Don't go down the road of trying to prove yourself to other people because that's a tough road to get off of once you get on it. Just smile, ignore what they are saying, reply with respect, and then go back to your job. Sometimes, you don't even have to change what you are doing. Just a simple yes mam or sir is all they are looking for. I noticed many times they talk out of their captain's quarters. What is said one day on how to do something is sometimes wrong. So, do your best in doing it right, and be as easy going as possible. The last thing you want to do is get defensive or argue. That's just as annoying to people as complaining. They'd rather you screw up your job than argue with them about it.

As for a break, I smoke. So that's what I do when things get too emotional. But in the military, they have what they call the "military bearing." It's the standing in attention, looking straight, looking serious, talking short and to the point, not arguing, not showing any emotion, completely focused, and following orders mode. Once you find that, it's like the center of balance in ballet, the middle C on the piano... it can become your chi type thing. Practice it a lot and find where it is and find a way to get back to it when you lose it. That's how you maintain in front of other people, especially on a professional level. Always self talk to maintain military bearing when in the situation. Then when you see an opportunity to escape from the situation, take it and break down then. So you aren't stopping yourself from a major breakdown. You are managing it, controlling when it occurs to suit your best interest. Some days, it may be when you get home can you finally break down. But better at home than in front of a supervisor. But don't take a bad day out on loved ones. You can tell them a little, but no one wants to hear every freaking story of what happened play by play at work. I hear it from my sister and my best friend, and then I can't get my husband to tell me anything about his day at work. Figures huh. Anyway, there is nothing wrong with rewarding yourself for days you maintain that bearing. The sense of accomplishing that will exceed the negativity, I promise you that. And you get to celebrate when things go right at work, and then again when things go wrong (or how well you handled it when things went wrong). You can do the drink after work if that's what you do. Or you can do extra internet time, or a bubble bath, or something you enjoy. It doesn't have to cost you money, but it can. Anyway, just treat yourself to something you want when you do well at handling yourself.

I dont seem to have a problem with being offended. It rarely ever happens. I even live with two friends who are agnostic and formerly atheist and I am a Christian. It just doesnt faze me at all. The exception is my father. Somehow he really got to me and I guess it was due to living with him and interacting on a daily basis. eventually he cracked my shell and affected my esteem.

i have been told i take things to personally.
it is frustrating being criticized for rule breaking when you were not even told the rules in the first place. what does boundary issues have to do with cleaning anyhow?

Learning rules and following orders has always been a huge problem with me. Sometimes I wonder if that's not connected to taking things personally.

I had a trainer while working at a residential care unit as dietary assistant. This woman was trully an as*hole and a deceptive one at that. I was criticized all the time for not paying attention,not getting enough sleep, not being up to par like the rest of the employees, looking like crap or not wearing my uniform right. However, it wasn't so much what she said but how she said it.

She had the jekyll and hyde syndrome. Her tune automatically changed whenever she was around other employess and residents. She was always giving helpful advice to those in need. Not the kind of helpful advice she gave me. On top of that she lied to my supervisor that I was unwilling to do my job and that she had to clean after me which proved her case wrong since evidence showed that she was clocking out earlier than me. She usually left while I was left alone to get the kitchen, tables, floor, and everything else that needed cleaning. I almost wanted to scream as I sat across my supervisor who was explaining what she had been told by her. After sucking up to that b***h for such a long time and getting tips from other employers...I still wasn't "good enough" for the job. But my supervisor came off somewhat sympathetic and let me have the job. Maybe she knew as well.....

I was a noobie at that time so not sure if that had something to do with it or not. But I did take it personal. I do the same thing with people and observe how they treat me in comparison to others. Not sure if half this perception has any real validity since I'm also capable of misconstruing. Then again it may be from deeper rooted issues of having been a castaway in the game of social hierarchy.

<rant>

I probably do. There are things I don't take well because it comes from my past experience so I am very negative in certain things.

Here is an example: Lot of you have probably noticed me calling people spoiled brats who don't like punishments and having their things taken. Well guess what?I grew up in a neighborhood where kids ran wild, bullied me, did bad things and their parents didn't do s**t about it. They never punished them for what they would do and treat other kids or me. But my mother, she always punished me or grounded me or took my things away because she didn't let me run wild, be a bully, be disrespectful so I am thankful now for what my mother did to me. So that is why I am in favor on punishments because those bullies in my neighborhood didn't get them because they were allowed to run wild because they were "oh they're just children." So of course I get very negative when I see people against parents taking things away from their children or grounding them, etc.