Getting back in touch with old friends

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Do you ever feel like you wan to get back in touch with old friends but then feel like it's too much of a commitment? I used to have a really good group of friend back in London (I moved to Cambridge last January) but we were very intense, we used to see each other a lot and they would constantly invite me to things. I've only emailed a couple of them once or twice since I've moved and I sometimes would like to know how they're doing and maybe meet up but I feel that if I make contact I'll be obliged to meet up lots again and that's not something I want, as they're all into partying and I've kind of grown out of that now.

They also don't know about the AS and if I did get in touch I don't know whether to tell them or not. There's a strong possibility I'm blowing things out of all proportion in my mind as I have a real tendency to do this.

Has anyone else had similar experiences, or can you give me advice?

Wouldn't one have to have had friends in order to get back in touch with them? Aspies are usually a little short on friends.

Usually but perhaps not always. Have you not thought of anyone in your past that you've wanted to get in touch with again?

Hopefully I don't sound too morose, but mostly no. People treated me like crap for the most part, often behind a mask of civility. My conversational skills are no better now than in the past. Why bother? I could not talk before, I can just as well not talk now. Same crap, different day.

Sadly, my entire social life is online right now. I don't actually have to look at people, figure them out, or make stuff up as I go along.

I'd say, go ahead and contact them. If you find they are claiming too much of your time, you can always make up an excuse that will allow only to participate in as much of their activities as you feel comfortable with. Possible excuses include working overtime, appointments with your doctor, family member claiming some of your time, your feeling like you're coming down with the flue, whatever...

If things do not work out in the long run, you can still cut the connection again and restrict yourself to sporadic emails to those people. If, on the other hand, you do not make contact with them in the first place, you might miss out on a lot of fun and you will keep wondering what it could have been like. See, you have nothing to lose here.

I would rather not mention AS. You got along well with those people, so obviously they don't need this particular bit of information about you, but it might make them reconsider their opinion of you. I think it is likely that a confession like that will make things more difficult instead of helping any.

I have no interested in reviving contact with old "friends." I am a completely different person now, then when I was around them, so I have found that it is best just to move on. I get emails occasionally from people I have know who find me on LinkIn, but I never answer them. Plus, these people were never really friends, they may have thought they were, but, to me, they were not.

There are people I once knew as "friends" I now sometimes think it might be nice to know again, and I did exchange a brief note with one of them just recently. However, none of them I have ever contacted has ever really seemed much interested in anything beyond a nostalgic "Hey, how are you?!", so I have just accepted the thought I must be more needy than they ... and that is that. But like you have mentioned, their lives and mine are different now and I doubt they would want to know me as an Aspie anyway.

I totally know how you feel. When I found out about my AS, I went back and forth trying to decide if I should get in touch with some old friends, especially because I wasn't sure if I should tell them. In the end, I only got in touch with the ones who seemed like they really wanted to stay in touch with me.

Only get in touch with these friends if they know you well. It is a HUGE commitment to get back in touch with old friends - first you have to build the relationship back up, then you have to maintain it. If you are in contact by email, it will be expected that you email back promptly. When I got back in touch with a couple of friends, I found this WAY too hard, and just stopped emailing altogether.
Also, I tried reconnecting with the only girl who didn't bully me at primary, because I thought she must like me. That meeting failed. Make sure you trust these 'friends'.

You mention you used to hang out with them when you lived in London, and then moved to Cambridge, so unless they all moved there too I don't think you should worry too much about having to "recreate" the same kind of relationship with them, plus your interests are probably not the same anymore.

What will probably happen if you do try to contact them, at least if I judge by my own experience when I met an old friend at a special event, is you will exchange some news and that will be about it (and maybe exchange phone numbers in case you want to contact each other again in the future), unless there is one or more of them with whom you still have a lot in common, then maybe you would both want to hang out together sometimes.

I see no need to tell them about AS, unless you both decide to actually renew your friendship and you feel you are getting close again, other then that, and unless you know the old friend you are talking to is familiar with AS, chances are you would have to get into a long explanation, and its not really worth it if it is someone you will only talk to once and then not communicate anymore. That's just me tho, if you feel the need to tell then do what feels right for you.

Good luck no matter what you decide

Shadi

There are very few people I'd like to get in contact with again. I have already contacted the ones I wanted to get back in touch with on facebook. None of them were interested in talking to me.

Thanks for all your responses, you've given me some good advice and it's really helped to hear a variety of opinions and experiences. I think my main hesitation in getting back in contact is that, as it's such a close-knit group of friends, you can't really just get in touch with one or two, you have to really make contact with all of them and to be brutally honest I'm not that keen in doing that, as I know that some of them are still into the more unhealthy activities that I left behind and have no desire to get back into.

Kaspie, do you mind if I ask what happened when you got back in touch with your friends?