More concerned for objects than people?

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__biro
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22 Apr 2009, 10:09 am

Today someone was holding something I made that was made out of a material that the person had an allergy to. I said "Don't pick that up!" Thinking she would damage it because she is quite careless and she gave it back saying "oh I thought you meant you was worried about me not your toy"

At that point I realised that I was more concerned with the object than with the safety of my friend. I do care about people though, I just don't think I show it at times where NT's might show it.


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i_wanna_blue
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22 Apr 2009, 10:45 am

I seem to have much more of an attachment to objects than to people. I think that your reaction was normal though, I suppose its only human to put your needs (not for your creation to be broken) over the needs of your friend. I'm sure that doesn't mean you wanted your friend to be harmed.

I hardly ever show emotions so most people assume I don't care. But I disagree, I sometimes care too much, the only difference is I don't expose how much I care in front of others.



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22 Apr 2009, 11:00 am

yes unfortunely haha, anybody could die right in front of me, and ill be sorta neutral emotionally not knowing really what happened, but if my rubber keyboard rips or my pan handle starts tearing apart or my cellphone breaks its like all hell breaks lose, and im freaking out like the world is ending haha.


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irishwhistle
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22 Apr 2009, 12:06 pm

Hey, people generally take care of themselves, but who's going to protect my innocent canvas? Even a toddler can catch herself falling, but the canvas can't dodge when she comes at it with a plastic screwdriver. Just for example.

And I further state in defense of this that showing concern for people always seems to get blown out of proportion. You express concern for a person and I swear you get into a whole quagmire of implied hidden intents and subtle social mores. I mean, you can get responses ranging from them thinking you didn't show enough concern to them thinking you have intimate feelings for them, no matter which sex they are! Caring is complicated. It may be clear in your head but when you show it, it looks different to everyone, and that goes for NTs, too.

People never seem to acknowledge that when they jump on us for not showing more concern. It's not just Aspies who act strangely, and it's not just Aspies who care too much for objects, of that you can be sure.


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kaitlyn_loves_music
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22 Apr 2009, 12:13 pm

yeah ughh if the computers internet stopped working ill cry or if my mp3 player runs out of batterys im really pissed.
but if something bad happens to someone i real dont care.



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22 Apr 2009, 12:15 pm

irishwhistle wrote:
And I further state in defense of this that showing concern for people always seems to get blown out of proportion. You express concern for a person and I swear you get into a whole quagmire of implied hidden intents and subtle social mores. I mean, you can get responses ranging from them thinking you didn't show enough concern to them thinking you have intimate feelings for them, no matter which sex they are! Caring is complicated. It may be clear in your head but when you show it, it looks different to everyone, and that goes for NTs, too.



This is so true!



richardbenson
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22 Apr 2009, 12:56 pm

see this is exactley what happens to me. i'd rather save my fire agates form a speeding train than say, any human being. :lol:



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22 Apr 2009, 1:34 pm

I'm generally more concerned about inanimate objects than people. If someone was hitting another person hard with a toy, especially if said toy had a face, I would definitely feel more sorry for the toy than the person getting hit. The poor helpless object wouldn't have a choice in the matter.



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22 Apr 2009, 1:59 pm

Don't mess around with my laptop, that's all I'll say. :wink:


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awakening
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22 Apr 2009, 4:14 pm

I can relate. I'm touchy about things but less touchy about people. I used to try to relate very authentically to people but realized I was coming across to them as a caricature; I was able to see this through varying my style of communication over many different attempts, much to the surprise that the person had simply taken certain mannerisms of my own and reflected them back, but the mannerisms were not "me," but proxies...and so I now tend towards relating to objects in the company of people as a way of relating more indirectly to people (instead of directly which can be confusing and frightening to the person and the self, as others noted).



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22 Apr 2009, 7:37 pm

Well, it depends on that friend and how sensitive she is. Some people want nothing less than constant concern and consideration. The world revolves around them and they hold it against you if you miss one little thing and show an iota of indifference. If she's that kind of friend she might really be offended and hurt by your concern for the possession. Growing up, I was around people who always cared more about their things because most of them grew up impoverished without a lot of gifts at Christmas and Birthday so they were really protective of their possessions. You could call them slightly hypervigilant.
I know someone who made a big deal about allergies on a near constant basis, to the point, she refused to be in the same room with somebody who washed their clothing with Sun detergent and you were a fiend if you didn't buy the expensive brands that didn't have any scent. I like the scents of laundry detergents and want my clothing to smell nice. I like colognes and perfumes too. Everything revolved around her allergies until she lost her sense of smell, for some reason. She could no longer smell the Sun detergent and couldn't say anything about it because she didn't know what it was and it became a non issue. She couldn't smell perfumes or colognes either, nor cleaning products and stopped complaining about them. If she couldn't smell it, she wasn't cued in and didn't know she was supposed to start complaining about how she was allergic to it. Now she says, "I wish I could smell"
and I think to myself I am soooo happy you can no longer smell anything.



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22 Apr 2009, 9:31 pm

When my grandmother (who I loved) died, I barely reacted.

If I lose my watch, I freak out.


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22 Apr 2009, 9:43 pm

Pretty much. I have heard it comes from a lifetime of not being able to trust people. From as early as I remember I was always more concerned about inanimate objects than I was human life. I have always been called selfish and I guess it is true.


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TobyZ
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22 Apr 2009, 9:50 pm

__biro wrote:
At that point I realised that I was more concerned with the object than with the safety of my friend. I do care about people though, I just don't think I show it at times where NT's might show it.


Same could be said for an idea over a person.

People give their life in the military to save freedom or their country. Or terrorists give their life for some issue or idea.



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22 Apr 2009, 11:04 pm

My sister once dropped my Gamecube controller and I starting shouting at her. I have been that way about most of my most loved objects.



animal
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23 Apr 2009, 4:09 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
When my grandmother (who I loved) died, I barely reacted.

If I lose my watch, I freak out.


Same here. Just replace the word 'watch' with the word 'books'.