little explosive blackouts? :(

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i get them for stupid little things

today:

im gaming, and i click my character to go down. he goes up. i click him to go down again, and he keeps going upwards, slowly.
so i slam the keyboard, making him shoot randomly, and kill another NPC.
i angrily load the game, angrily make him go downwards again, and as i click in anger, he blows himself up, i tilt my lighter from my table, by this time im boiling
a bottle tilts as well, so i throw it into the wall (plastic bottle)
it bounces back, and messes stuff up, and this is where i

black out

i grab a bottle and just pound the keyboard, mouse, pencils, lighters, cups flies around, and the cat runs out

im still not entirely calm...

i really should control this... simply cus... i cant afford to buy new electronics and stuff. i cant afford to black out, and smash my belongings :/

You on any meds?

I've known gamers who keep extra keyboards and mice stocked up - simply because they know they are going to take it and break it in half in a fit of rage.

So your not alone, but you might wish to buy a second cheaper computer setup at a 2nd hand store so when you get angry you can destroy the stuff you don't use...

Dude, I just got home after being BANNED from my Walgreens for LIFE. I go to the same walgreens everyday and get the same thing everyday. Tonight theere was a new guy at the store and he was letting other customers get more stuff while making me wait. I got pissed and threw my stuff down and left, he followed me outside and I told him he was a toothless loser and he said I was banned from the store for life.

Now i'll have to go to another Walgreens.....I feel like Jack Nicholson in "As Good as it gets"! !! !!
I don't lose my temper often...but when I do boy! I hate waiting in line unnecessarily! I hate it!

^ i wish i could do that in the store where i buy stuff, theres this
insolent sales boy that id like to smack on the face,
well anyway, last week i got so mad at a relative who
disrespected my mother in a text message, i called her
up fuming, called her all sorts of name plus demanded things.
i regret everything. one more bridge burned.

DonkeyBuster, no and never

Nim, reminds me of this guy who was playing gta vice city, i was watching behind his shoulder, constantly tauting his repeated failures with a certain mission

finally he exploded, and smashes his keyboard in half in a series of quick violent punches, and an infernal scream

keys and broken coffee-cup pieces flew through the air, and i laughed and laughed
when all the pieces had finished raining down, he just sat there, and stared at his two keyboard pieces. i have NO idea how he did that he should have broken his hand in the process, at least

mikemmlj, oh i have a good patience for _slow_ things. what makes me tilt is silly little uncooperative things, like... one example was, i put my pizza plate on my bed, as i sat down, and adjusted. the pizza started to slide off the plate, and i corrected it, stabilized it, and still it tilted and began to slide
i corrected it again, turned around, and a pizza slise STILL fell off, and onto the table.

3 seconds later, theres pizza all over my room, and my knuckes are bleeding :I

kaytie, i experienced something like that in a cafeteria here, my dad (short, stocky and peruvian) entered w a backpack, and they told him he could not enter w a backpack. i know this is PURE BS, cus ive entered w backpacks, plastic bags, even WITH brought liquor in it, and he only had his workstuff in his backpack. this was some years ago, so this moooron probably thought all brown-people were potential terrorists or something, in a tiny town, in norway, seeking to blow up "grandmas cafe" :b
my dad was about to start arguing with him like the diplomatic person he is, when i just blew up, told the counter guy he was a ****, *****, **** and a *****, if you get my drift
i had to just hurry outside, and get some air, and wait.
its the only time i yelled out someone in public

I'm reading Grandin's book "Thinking in Pictures" right now... Chap. 6, Believing in Biochemistry. This might apply to you:

"Some autistic symptoms may be caused by epileptic-like conditions. Tiny mini-seizures that are difficult to detect on EEG can create sensory scrambling problems, self-injurious behaviors, and outbursts of aggression. Substances that normalize electrical activity in the brain sometimes reduce autistic symptoms..."

In any case, I think you might benefit from reading that chapter and considering the possibility that the outbursts are yet another manifestation of wiring and can be modulated with medication...rather than just being a 'bad' person who has no self-control. I think Grandin has a very balanced approach to the question of meds.

Unless of course you're not really serious about controlling the outbursts... it's a dangerous, self-defeating tendency to start revelling in the very things that will restrict us.

I completely agree with "mini-seizures." In fact, it's been shown that with bipolar, manic episodes and depressive episodes are similar to seizures chemically (although they cannot be detected on an EEG) AND they cause mild brain damage in some cases.

If that is true with bipolar, it could also be true with AS meltdowns.

That's why, if I were you, I'd consider medications.

this is interesting &kinda scary, i don't get quite so angry but this seems familiar. can't really explain my experiences too well.. although i have had a few small but strong "photosensitive" seizures, at least that's what i thought they were.. often after many hours of videogames/intense light, if i stood up i would literally black out ie couldn't see for as long as a minute sometimes.. that really worried me.. i appear to be rambling but good topic thanks.

Forgot to mention... I have the 'expanded edition' of Grandin's book, which has updated biochemistry info in it.

Even if it's not the seizure thing, which seems more random, it may still be an Aspie wiring thing and may benefit from meds.

Leave the outbursts behind and be merely gloriously brilliant!

well....

they dont happen often enough to warrant daily medication, and i would want to be absolutely absolutely sure i get _exactly_ what i need. i loathe most medication, i fear them more than hard street drugs

Epileptics don't have gran mal seizures everyday, and still they take daily meds.

What is it you fear about medication? The sense of inadequacy (that's mine) of defectiveness it implies? Or?

What age group do you fall in?

I know exactly where you are coming from ZEGH8578, I play alot of Battlefield 2 (a FPS) and find hackers, cheats and other annoying game play causes me to loose it sometimes. Im normally able to take some deep breaths and separate myself from it as i know it just a game.
One thing that helps me im not sure if its of use, I ride mountain bikes and find sometimes if im really wound up i go for a ride and focus it all there it makes me feel much better and is more positive way of dealing with it- that said ive broken 6 high end bike frames and countless components I used to ride alot of downhill.

Yes, I have a laptop with a cracked motherboard hiding in my room because of this.