Is it fair for me to ask this of my family?

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My family has two children younger than me (one 14 and the other 6) that are VERY loud. Constant music blaring, screeching, screaming, etc. My dad is almost 50, but sometimes he's louder than the 14 and 6 year old put together. He has a slight hearing problem, so he also always has the TV up very loud.

Is it fair of me to ask them to tone it down while I'm downstairs with them? (I usually hide in my room to avoid them for this reason.) This seems reasonable to me, because the noises HURT! And there's no reason to scream like that inside the house! My friends who aren't on the spectrum have been over and commented on how horribly loud it is, so I'm relatively sure it's not just me being hypersensitive to it. I've already tried working out something with my dad for him to sit closer to the TV so that I can sit further away from it and it'll be loud enough for him and won't hurt me quite as much, but he refuses and just has to sit on the opposite side of the room from the TV and turn it all the way up.

I have the same issue with lights. Overhead lights really bother me. My dad and siblings will turn every light in the house on and leave it on. Not only is that wasteful, it hurts my eyes. I don't think we should walk around in utter darkness, but keeping lamps on seems reasonable to me.

I am a bit sensitive about this because in the past (before knowing I was on the spectrum) I've been screamed at by my family for just asking for the lights/TV to be turned down, or asking for subtitles to be on the TV (I have trouble understanding what's being said sometimes). I know I didn't do it in an angry way, I just got screamed at for it. They're more understanding now that they know I'm autistic, which to me is even more frustrating. Why can't lights/loud sounds just hurt my eyes and it be a valid request even if I don't have a medical reason for it? /rant

Short version:

I like low-lighting, my family prefers to have every light in the house on.
I like things at a low-medium volume, my family prefers it as loud as possible.

Any advice on how to handle this?

Well, it sounds as if you have done several things already to try and meet them half-way. Have you tried asking about (or just plain using) lower watt lightbulbs? I don't know your family, but how would they react to you sitting them down and trying to talk to them, either together or one on one?

You can continue to make the attempt to get them to help you out, and I wish you luck on that, but I would suggest doing things that will help you in the meantime. Yes, I'm talking about sunglasses and earplugs. There have been many places where I have worn sunglasses inside and a few places where I have used earplugs (you can get some that aren't that noticable... and they aren't bad once you get used to them).

If you are against that sort of thing (the earplugs will make it even more difficult to understand the TV and supposedly some people believe wearing sunglasses inside to be rude), the only other thing I could think of is trying to get a third party to speak to them. Again, I don't know your family and I am not sure how they would take that.

Good luck.

They know that it hurts you and they don't care. That's abuse. I didn't think of the earplugs and sunglasses, but it makes sense. No, it's not "rude." Under the circumstances, it's literally self-defense. Like EnglishLulu said, you are not likely to change them. After 21 years, the patterns are pretty much set. What would it take to move out?

i am in exactly the same situation as you are with both the sounds and the lights. My dad always has the tv and radio too loud and he is never understanding enough to accommodate me by turning things down. I feel that I should be accommodated atleast some of the time.

This is how I felt when I was a teen. My family wasn't considerate and didn't give rats and said I wasn't the only person living in the house and it was too bad and I have to deal with it. They still let my brothers make lot of noise when they have parties (they never wanted to stay in the playroom), let them be in my area and they all made messes and make noise down there in my area. Luckily my mother hates to have things blaring so she never has the TV on loud and she always told everyone to turn the TV down (except when my brothers have parties) since my dad liked to have it on blaring. She also hates fluorescent lights so she never uses them, they don't bother me but they bother her eyes. My dad once bought some but my mother took them all out my dad told me. She says she'd rather pay more money for the electricity than having her eyes hurting and having headaches in her own home.

My brothers always had their music on too loud in the playroom but it didn't bother me luckily. I was never up there, same as when they have the TV on too loud too and they be making lot of noise. I finally got out of there when I was almost 20. No more panic attacks and anxiety and stress. Now I think this is how we're supposed to live and be tortured when we have other people in the house (after all we have to learn to be flexible) but when I'm the parent I get to make all the rules and not let my own kids be so loud and have so many kids over because my house, my rules. If they don't like it, tough, I grew up with lack of friends, so can they and I didn't have parties, they can live without having them too. They be getting a slap across the face or sent to their room if I get "But you're not normal." How dare they use my disability. I plan on having one anyway. I wanted more but it gets expensive when you have more. More food to buy, more clothes to buy, more school supplies to buy, more money to spend on fun, more money being spent on Christmas shopping. I wonder how poor people support more than one child? Toys for tots for one, food stamps, maybe getting free clothes from charity. Their families maybe help and of course whic.

I'm sorry, it is a disability, if it weren't then we wouldn't be struggling in life and needing extra help to move forward and lot of them wouldn't have troubles holding down a job. How can anyone not call that a disability if it causes those difficulties?

Anything in the minority is a disability because it effects you. If you have a different learning style where you need extra help in school so you can learn and do your school assignments, that's considered having a learning disability.

Is your family fully aware of the seriousness of the situation? Even if they are inconsiderate, they probably care about you. You should sit down with them and try to strategize ways of making the situation more bearable for you, but also manageable for your family members. Sunglasses and earplugs- previously suggested by other posters- are two good ideas. Maybe making some kind of a schedule, where your family members can turn up the TV at certain times of the day. Stuff like that. If they don't listen, or are unwilling to believe that your quality of life is being compromised, then you might have to move out. And your parents should know that that is the next step.

Apart from buying your self some sunglasses, and getting yourself some earplugs, i don't see much else you can do. You can't expect others to accomodate for your needs. If they were coming into YOUR bedroom, turning the lights on, and making noise, then you'd have a right to complain. But in any other area of the house? you'll just have to put up with it.