Are you horrible at answering thread replies? Discuss!

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I find that I am horrible at answering replies to my posts on forums. I am just clueless on doing it right.


How about you? And why?

I find it is because I never know if it's going to end up a debate or not- I hate debating because it always breaks out into actually bullying when I am involved. I asked another autistic person I know about this and they said it's because they never know what to say.

What are your thoughts? What are your experiences ?

When it comes to deep discussion (problems, life etc.), yes I find it very hard. Because I do not know what to say.
But usually I'll just take my sweet time to let everything sink in so I can reply in a more or less organized matter.

People just need to realize I'm a bit slow though:p
And they need to know that I'm not ignoring them.

I wish I could tell you something helpful. Is it that you can't think of anything to say? Maybe just pic out one post that you have some thoughts on, and elaborate on it a little. Give yourself some credit. You're probably your own worst critic.

And what do you mean you're worried it will turn into a debate? As long as you answer casually, the discussion probably won't heat up. And if that's your experience, look into how you word things.

I am like this too about answering posts that might become debatable. If I don't wish for it to be and I'm looking for straight foward responses then I have learned to add "this is not debatable" to my posts. People seem to respect this and aren't as argumentative when the respond to me. This has been extremely helpful on some mommy boards I visit as there are certain topics that are fair game for debates.

I like to think I'm not too bad at replying, though I sometimes worry in case I overlook somebody and make them feel I didn't appreciate their comments. It can take up a lot of time and thought (though I enjoy it), and I worry that I might run out of time if the rest of my life gets too demanding. I haven't been bullied here yet as far as I know - if anybody tried that I'd either try to take them on, or just move onto something more interesting. Sometimes people can get prickly but it doesn't always mean they're trying to offend. Mostly I like to show them it's OK with me if they get a bit angry, as long as they don't go too far, because I know what it's like to get treated badly for showing a bit of anger.

One thing I'm really glad of is Topic Reply Notifications - some forums don't have those, and with those sites I can easily lose track of the threads I've posted on, searching them out can take a long time. Anyway, with WP I just look at my emails and they tell me if there's been a post on any of the topics I'm "watching," and if I mark the emails as unread until I've had the time to reply (or to decide whether replying is appropriate), that serves as a good reminder every time I check my mailbox.

Yeah I am the same, there are some things I want to add sometimes, but i don't. I like discussions, advice and a friendly exchange of ideas, not very into debates and confrontation

LOL yes! I'll have an idea of what I want to respond to in my head but then halfway through writing it, my mind wonders off and I can no longer focus and then I'm like "aw screw it!"

I just never respond to any forum posts.

yeah, sometimes I have the same problem here as I do in real life, and my mind goes blank. I just have nothing to say. this is the main reason that I suck at socializing in real time. I don't have anything to reply, or to say to people. This feeling is even worse when it comes to pming. I like getting pms, it's just that I have a hard time responding.

I also don't like any kind of confrontation, or arguing. Debates are okay sometimes, but I don't usually like to do it. I think what I think, and I let others think what they will. I'm really indifferent to most topics when it comes to swaying the opinion of someone else.

I also have a hard time figuring out how to use multiple quotes in one post, and I'll get all panicky about it, then I won't reply at all, because my mind is racing too fast to do it.

And, finally (my last explanation of why it's hard for me to reply, I promise!) sometimes, I think the reply, or even say it out loud, but not actually type it. I have no idea as to why I do that. I logically know that the other person didn't hear my thoughts.

mm my replies never seem like 'me'. i don't know why.

It depends on the emotional state I'm in. I go through periods where I find it quite easy. Then I go through periods where I have a great deal of anxiety about replying--even to the degree that I find it impossible to do so. Sometimes I feel I can't even bring myself to read the replies, if I get to thinking they're going to be excessively negative.

I have more trouble with one-on-one conversations than threads though. Emails, PMs, IMs... that sort of thing.

In a compulsive manner, I reply in a terrible manner.

Usually posters take a nice big piss on my replies
because they complain I sound "too confrontational."

I've found that it usually helps to go back and re-read your original post before replying to the posts. Remember what you were thinking when you wrote the post, get yourself in that mindset, then say what it is you have on your mind.

I think it can be difficult to present information in a way that minimizes your chances of offending someone. It's something I've worked hard at because I find unnecessary conflict to be bothersome at best. Even at that, I can't completely eliminate instances in which I'm misinterpreted.

Plus, you know... some people thrive on conflict anyhow and will pick at you no matter what. I often find it difficult just to shrug and forget about that sort of thing, even though I know it's not truly my problem. Resilience is a great thing to practice but not so easy to perfect if it doesn't come naturally to you. You sound like you're pretty resilient though.

I've been accused of being blunt, confrontational, an idiot, compassionate and insightful in my posts. I polarise people. Always have and always will. I am not an easy character and that is probably because I have an ASD and am prone to bluntness and/or cluelessness/naivety in equal portions. I am less polite in reality than on WP, am prone to meltdowns and extreme irritation around people if I am in their company for too long. Screens and a forum like this is good for me. I get to connect with people without having to actually meet in person, which i loathe.

I don't see many people and so i use WP as a kind of receptacle for excess mental energy and pondering. Sometimes it is in-depth and other times pure drivel.