How do I stop thinking that people are enjoying my failure?

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Lately I've seen a few people from my past, people who knew me from high school, and I can't stop thinking that perhaps there has been a class reunion or a get together of some sort and the rumor has spread that I failed at life and now they are all rejoicing. You see, I was teased everyday in high school and people joked about the fact that I had ret*d level social skills but very good grades in my classes.

I understand that my thoughts are 100% paranoid since I have no evidence whatsoever that anyone has gotten together or that such rumors have spread, but I can't get the idea out of my mind that the possibility exists.

It's crazy, I know, but what can I do?

Last edited by Mw99 on 22 May 2009, 8:34 pm, edited 3 times in total.

I don't think these suspicions of yours are totally groundless. Gloating over people failing is very common and I myself am as guilty of it as anyone. I assume some people who heard about my situation, that I still live at home and don't have education or work, are gloating. I gloat when I hear about their failures and I will gloat even more the day I win the lottery while they are still repaying their student loans.

Last edited by Zoonic on 22 May 2009, 8:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

oh it's probably true, schadenfreude is very common, it's just that it's usually unexpected.

move away! a lot of people have to relocate to escape those kind of things.

While some people might take a degree of pleasure in other people's failings, it doesn't last long. People are too wrapped-up in their own existance to care too much about other people's business, unless it impedes on their own lives. To put it bluntly, most people don't care enough to scoff or gloat for long.

This is along the lines of thinking that everyone is talking about you negatively when they see you in public, even if they are not. I had this problem for awhile where I was a little paranoid that everyone was talking about me whenever they saw me. Is it a product of our own strong egos? Probably. How did I deal with it? I realized that I am simply not that important to them, even if I think I am, and they are probably more interested in thinking about things in their immediate lives rather than you.

I also dealt with this by more-or-less just putting myself forward, sometimes in the strangest ways possible. I stopped really caring how incidental people in my life perceived me. (By incidental, I mean people I ride the train with, my neighbors, etc.)

Noone cares. They're all getting on with their own lives. Just smile at the world and it'll smile back but watch your back.

True, but what about schadenfreude? What about all the teasing I went through and the reputation I had in high school? I grant you that people have better things to worry about, but human nature is often so ugly it's entirely possible they would feel quiet self-satisfied if they learned I failed at life.

What are they to you? What makes their opinion of you valid whatsoever? They don't know you well enough to know whether or not you have failed in life. Do you even know that?

The feeling that the OP has is very understandable as I struggle with this myself. I'm relieved that in some circles I am forgettable. I made a bad rep for myself among my college peers in the film/video department but I take comfort in the fact that not everyone in that department is gonna go on to become famous hollywood directors and the like (in real life few of them actually do). But if they do, I will refuse to watch or buy any of their stuff!

The best you can do is to not keep those thoughts in your head. NTs dont spend their lives thinking and plotting against you like we aspies are known for doing against NTs!

Well judging by the magnitude of the teasing I underwent in high school and the way those people were staring at me the times I saw them, I doubt they already got me out of their minds. I grant you that it is unlikely that they think about me often, but I bet that deep inside they still remember as the freak from high school everyone loved to hate, and would feel quite joyful if they learned I failed at life.

Do you feel that you have failed in life? Or you just worried that rumor would naturally spread that you had?

My experience is that people actually grow up and don't do that, regardless of what they were like in high school. If anything, some of them look back on life and wonder why more of the "social outcasts" seem to have "made it" far better than them?

Have you ever wondered if people think that you've led a much happier life than them, rather than the inverse?

I don't think I failed at life because so far I realized my dreams and goals of making myself more beautiful as well as owning a balanced and all-purpose designer wardrobe. However, I will still gloat when I'm above most others I grew up with.

Unless I die an untimely death I still have many years left to live, but so far it doesn't look like I am succeeding at life. I have a job that I dislike, that I suck at, that pays very little money, and that is totally dead-end. I was an honors student in high school and college. Naturally, I expected to do better in life.



I am acquainted with a few people from high school and they know that I had a hard time finding a job out of college and that my job is not very desirable. People talk. Rumors spread.



In my case, I look back on life and wonder why the "bullies" and the "dummies" seem to have "made it" far better than me.



Not really, but I think a lot of the inverse. I don't see why they would think I have led a much happier life.

How can you possibly say you've failed in life already?!? Did you know that Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald's didn't even sell a burger until he was FIFTY? Charles Darwin didn't even publish his first book on Natural Selection until HE was FIFTY! You've got plenty of time to get things together the way you want them.

And give yourself a break! Maybe your measure of success is too high? What bar are you forcing yourself to jump over here before you consider yourself 'successful' in this economy? Ultimately, you should judge yourself by your OWN standards, not the standards of this world you were born into (through no fault of your own) the way you are.

Forget about those other kids. Kids are some of the meanest, jealous little monsters on this planet. Not because they are intentionally evil, but because they have NO experience about life. Once they get out and realize that they are not the center of attention and that there is a whole world out there, they'll wise up considerably. Plus, they're NEVER going to remember anything about High School beyond their own limited sphere. They don't have the ability to remember like you do. Don't let your superior memory torture you or become your prison.

I think you're already on the road to success because you're concerned enough about your self-improvement to post here. Anybody interested in this kind of self-improvement doesn't stay down forever.

ViperaAspis, I couldn't agree more. You have to take your destiny into your own hands and be very self-confident. It's hard, especially if you used to putting yourself down, but really... I'm telling you... it is SO worth it. You may not be able to see any benefit to doing it right away, but just wait. You will build and build upon it, and your confidence will ultimately get you things that you want.

ok