"Brave"?

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A while ago there was a topic online about...oh heck, I don't even remember, but it led to me relaying my experiences with Asperger's. And someone told me I was very brave for talking about it.

How is it brave to talk about something as basic as that? To me, it'd be like talking about my experiences living in Oregon, or going to the store, or having a parrot. It's nothing special, so why do people consider it such a big deal?

NT's consider personal information somehow sacred and privliged. (at least that's what my Psych tells me. It's a way of "opening themselves to vulnerability" and hence grow closer bonds to one another through mutual trust. Again, all that was what I've been told so take with a grain of salt.

Maybe they think a mental disorder is something to be ashamed about... as if maybe you could help it? Who knows.

How do you think that the person was NT? Perhaps nonautistic since they didn't seem to be aware of much of it, but there's still a host of other atypical things to be had.

Because other people can judge and stigmatise when told?

This has happened to me.
So it is a big deal.
Anything that could influence my prospects in a negative way is a big deal.

I've been told not to talk about it and I'm afraid to talk about it.

Some people are either judgmental, ignorant or won't listen.

Simple.


Would I love to casually drop a genuine medical condition I have into conversation to inform people sensibly about it so that they could understand?

Of course I would.
But I have neither the provable physical, medical evidence or the straightforward explanation to do so.

If I do talk about it, I know I'll be talked down to or treated in a patronising way, which is why I don't.

A book on "How to disclose" would be useful.

How to break the news to your boss, friends and family in a positive way without offending them or making it seem like an excuse.

Also a book on how to disclose with reference to the law and rights.

"How to disclose and manage invisible Disabilities without losing your sanity."

Has this book been written yet?

I learnt that admitting you have flaws, encounter difficulties, cannot do something the same way as others just admit to your weaknesses as perceived by you or perceived as such by others is something that supposedly usually means you aren't confident.

Why?

I do not know.

But I've been perceived as very insecure and lacking all self-confidence for readily admitting when I did not know something or couldn't do something the exact same way as others all my live. In the recent year, I talked a lot about why people would assume this about me just because I have no problem with saying "I don't know" or "I cannot do this" and I've heard this (that admitting to your traits that society prefers less means you're insecure) from various people.

Fewer people will explain that admitting to your weaknesses and talking about them easily means you actually have a lot of self-confidence.

I like that explanation better.

I found that people who cannot talk about themselves as a whole often have a problem with what's special, different or difficult about them.

Strange how society has no social skills in that respect.

Or maybe it has and it's just afraid that there are people who do not mind themselves.

'Brave' is a classic sympathy stereotype used by non disabled people,offline it's commonly experienced from strangers by those of us with obvious impairments,as people think it's somehow 'brave' for disabled people to attempt to take part in life,and not give up.
they dont usually understand how those who have had a lifelong impairment can see it as part of life,rather than something that has suddenly altered and hit their life like an aquired disability.
It's just ignorance rather than something nasty,sometimes they will finish it off with ruffling the hair,so are lucky that was online and not offline.

I consider personal information sacred, myself... I would think that many here would too, considering how much importance we attach to maintaining a 'safe zone' around us, whether it's the material possessions we own or the intangible, emotional factors we've established for ourselves as 'constants'.

When I tell someone else that I'm autistic - which, like the OP, I have no problem doing so - it can be for a number of reasons, in a number of circumstances. Sometimes it's more casual, other times it may be a bit more urgent. The reaction of whomever I'm talking to at that moment, will differ per person, whether they're familiar with autism or not, whether they aren't or are autistic themselves. I have so far had mostly welcoming and understanding reactions, fortunately, which I think means that I come across as self-confident when I tell them.

Someone who recently learned that I was autistic, told me she thought it was brave of me to be so open about my autism. She was mostly unaware of autism. I didn't feel patronised or judged or insulted. Someone else might just have shrugged, or nodded, or simply acknowledged, which would have been cool, too. I think that it may make some sense when someone would say it's brave when we're open about our autism, because there are people who prefer to keep a disorder or disability to themselves, for more or less valid reasons. Sometimes parents will have told their children to keep it quiet because THEY are ashamed, which is a regrettable situation. My cousin is mentally ret*d and has epilepsy which worsens his situation; people can tell that he is, but he prefers to pass for 'normal' when he goes through the city for as much as he can, because he doesn't want others to view him as 'lesser than them'. I can't imagine what it's like to be him, so I can't say I wouldn't have done the same if I were in his shoes. Someone who doesn't know you're autistic, and then learns, won't know the precise nature of the impact autism will have had on your life, whether you view it as a big burden or absolutely not.

Something similar happened recently (but not about AS). My Nan has been caring for my Uncle for all of his life, he’s now 50-ish and was born with severe Down’s Syndrome. I did a photojournalism project about them to highlight living with disability. When my classmates saw it a few of their responses were to gush ‘how brave’.

To be honest I was a little bit annoyed. They both lead reasonably active lives and my Uncle certainly isn’t a problem. The other students who gave that response didn’t really understand their situation properly or my Uncles Down's. ‘How brave’ was just a generic way to overlook a beautiful individual with a personality, focusing on just disability instead. The good thing is if they gave responses like that i guess it meant that something did sink in and it did make them think a bit harder.


(hopefully this is to topic, tend to ramble a bit)

I don't feel I need courage to put my heart on my sleeve and reveal my experiences online, as long as I'm anonymous. I don't think there's a lot of risk in that - the worst thing that could happen is maybe everybody might castigate me for it, but it's not really all that likely that a whole group of people would do that just because I'd been honest about something. And even if they did, it'd just mean I'd found out they were dickheads and I was better off without them. It's not like it would be hard to get away from them, it's not like classmates or workmates who can't be avoided so easily. And forums have etiquette rules so that sadists can't do much harm.

But if I feared revealing myself and did it anyway in the hope of somebody empathising or giving compassionate advice, I guess that would be brave. I don't think courage is not being afraid, I think it's being afraid and still going ahead when you feel it's important to, i.e. not letting your fear get the better of you.

Yes it could be patronising of them to call you brave, or they might just be a bit glib with the compliments, or maybe they just want to encourage you to talk freely but they have hackneyed ways of expressing that to you. I suppose it's better than being ignored or put down. But I think there are higher forms of communicating.

There is some kind of formulaic praise ritual that some people seem to do, some cultures really value it, but personally I don't get much out of receiving it, and I feel silly and bogus when I try to give it. I think sincerity has a ring to it, and I don't hear that ring when people are just being "nice."