Seeking answers...

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SORRY FOR THE LENGTH OF THIS POST...this is the first time I've ever really spoken about these issues.

Hello, I am new. I discovered this board through a search string for "oversensitivity". I'm feeling very confused right now, and hope that I might find some answers here. I of course realize that no one here can 'diagnose' me, I only hope to gain some insight, which might be useful in any steps I might take in seeking a diagnosis. I want to know first if I am way off base...you see, I've been seriously considering lately that I may have Aspergers, but I'm not a perfect fit. I know some of the people here may have similar/related conditions, so even if I don't seem to match the diagnostics for AS, perhaps someone may be able to point me in the right direction. Alright, moving on from that windy intro...

A couple of years ago, I was speaking with a co-worker when she suddenly asked if something was wrong with her hair. I was puzzled. I told her no. She then asked, "Why are you staring toward my hairline, then?" Apparently, through the course of our discussion, I hadn't looked her in the eye once. She then point-blank asked if I had Aspergers, which I hadn't even heard of at the time. I began asking other people if they'd noticed me avoiding eye contact, and several agreed that I do. From that point on, I have made sure to make eye contact, even if only briefly. The issue is, I often feel 'trapped' when I make eye contact, which ties in with my social issues. I feel like if I look someone in the eye, they will expect me to continue talking, or to respond.

I have a lot of issues with small talk, and conversation in general, however, and will break eye contact in order to bring a conversation to an end. Most friends go to me because they say I am a great 'listener'. The most I can ever offer, however, is "sorry", "that sucks", "oh", or other one or two word responses. In order to give advice (which I've been known to do well) or give a more thorough response, I have to sit and think/ponder for an extended period of time. This happens to me a lot in school (I'm a junior in college, majoring in film studies). I'll spend so much time figuring out just how I want to word a response, that by the time I'm ready, the discussion has moved on. Most people wouldn't know how bright I am until they read something I've written, or look at my grades (I maintain a 4.0). Anyway, I cringe almost any time a person approaches me just to 'chat', because I know I won't be able to contribute to a conversation, and that it will become awkward very quickly.

That said, I do LOVE to talk. About movies. About things that fascinate or interest me. If you bring up my latest short film, I'll talk to you about it for hours. I also have a great sense of humor and often make use of sarcasm to earn laughs. I am comfortable with groups of people, as there is often no expectation for me to add too much to a conversation. However, I dread the thought of hanging out one-on-one. Except, with my boyfriend...

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and have a wonderful relationship. We've had some issues lately, however, and they are all related to my social problems. These problems are what led me to the internet to find answers. You see, I am extremely oversensitive, both emotionally and physically. Physically, tickling causes me so much discomfort that I have trouble breathing, little pinches or friendly punches to my upper arms hurt way more than they should, I have trouble dealing with hot and cold, and loud noises frighten me (vacuum cleaners, loud music, car horns, etc). Emotionally, I blow things way out of proportion. My boyfriend will say "I'm going to hang out with my friend" and I hear "I don't want to hang out with you"...if someone tells me they can't do something, I hear they don't WANT to. Every interaction that doesn't go the way I expect, I view as a negative experience. The thing is, I KNOW that my feelings are irrational, but I can't help but feel them. I even sometimes get upset and start crying in a split-second, when I have NO IDEA what upset me to begin with. That has been very frustrating for my boyfriend, who sees me crying, and doesn't know how to make me feel better. It becomes more frustrating when I try to explain that NOTHING is the matter (or, at least, I don't know what is). Of course, I've always had these types of negative reactions to social interaction, but have kept them hidden, because I knew it was unusual. However, my boyfriend will catch a split second facial expression that I make, and push me to tell him what is wrong. *sigh* For the first time ever, I can't hide my unusual behavior...and I feel so helpless in explaining my feelings and behavior to him. My emotional sensitivity also comes into play with others emotions...I will often not feel sad for myself, but if someone else is upset or crying, then I will begin to cry as well. I'm not always so sensitive, though. My boyfriend often thinks something is wrong with me because I don't get excited when he tells me something that he did or that excited him.

Facial expressions...I've never been told I have 'strange' facial expressions, but that I "go through 15 facial expressions in less than a minute". I sometimes catch people just looking at me, and when I ask why, the explanation is often that they are fascinated by the range of facial expressions I have, even when focusing on just one thing.

So, I know this was incredibly long, but I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this, and it feels good to be able to express what I'm thinking. As a short summary...

I like being with people, and even hanging out in groups...but I have to know and be comfortable with said people, and not be the center of attention. I am incapable of small-talk...hate hanging out one-on-one, and can't talk on the phone at all. I've been obsessed with movies since age four, and can talk about the film industry and filmmaking for hours if you let me (that is how I managed to connect with my boyfriend, he is also a student filmmaker). I avoid eye-contact, and tend to make several different facial expressions in a short period of time. When I take pictures, I tend to make goofy faces, because my smile just doesn't 'feel' right. I tend to blow negative social interactions out of proportion, and cry EXTREMELY easily, and often for no reason that I can discern. I hate loud noises and other bothersome sensory stimuli, and am very sensitive to the environment.

Anyway, if you've taken the time to read to this point, I thank you. I just feel really confused right now, and needed somewhere to turn where I thought people might understand. If you can provide me any insight as to whether you think AS might fit me, or perhaps another cause with which you might be familiar, please let me know. I'd like to go and talk with a doctor, but first want to know if I'm on the right track.

Thank you!

Oversensitivity and sensory overwhelm may be caused by a variety of conditions, including AS. Bipolar Disorder is one of them. ADD is another one of them.

I think you need to be assessed for AS. You state quite a number of social difficulties that may well add up to an AS diagnosis.

See an expert in ASD's for assessment. Make sure to ask any assessor his or her experience with diagnosing ASD's before you go!

I agree with WHitetiger. GO and seek out a formal dx but make sure you go to a specialist in ASD's and not a generic psychologist with no specialization in autism spectrum disorders. There is a lot of misinformation around about ASD's and specialists who are trained to understand the spectrum are the ones to seek out.
Certainly there are some things you state that sound as if seeking out some help or answers may be a good idea.
Are you socially impaired? Your reciprocity doesn't sound that good, nor does your interest in engaging in social talk. The fact you can however talk at length about a special interest is also interesting.

Start reading and researching. Find out more. And good luck on your life journey.

Last edited by millie on 22 May 2009, 11:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You sound like you have a lot of the traits.
Stick around and let it sink in for a while.

By the way, a regular doctor is probably not worth anything.
Especially if you're older or intelligent or have found ways to adapt and pass.
Even the shrinks who claim to be experts on Asperger's can be a little deaf.

Do psychologists typically talk to you and ask questions regarding your condition, or merely observe? When observed, I doubt anyone would pick up on most/any of my issues. But, I think I'd do a fine job talking to a psychologist about my issues if he/she asked the right questions. hmm.

all of the above if they are any good.
There is usually indicators from observation, however.

I shares most of your traits and I'm an old man diagnosed as an AS.
as a young man i was diagnosed as schizophrenic which night happen to you if u go to a professional not familiar with autism.
but i don't understand why do you care or seek diagnosis,
it all just meaningless terms which not only can't teach you nothing about yourself or your life but can lead you astray.
i think you'll do much better using your exceptional creativity to learn about yourself than relying on the limited resources the so called professionals has to offer

for example
could u see a connection between your obsession with movies and the fact that you live an much higher frame rate than the average ?
how does your sensitivities,which very much remind me of my self,relates to your accelerated sense of time and space u live
what kind of "depth" this focus of you express and how it relates to your expectations

i'm not trying to "shrink" u
but from my long and painful experience i learned that the work u can do on yourself is worth many times more that any label u might be entitled to

I'm seeking a diagnosis because of my boyfriend. We are in a very serious relationship (have discussed marriage, kids, etc) and are very much in love...but the longer we are together, the more and more he notices some of my strange emotional and social behaviors. He was adopted into a very emotionally stunted family, and in our relationship, he wants us to be very open and not hide things, which is, for me, very difficult. I NEVER express my emotions (unless it can't be helped, see my discussion on spontaneous crying). My face might fall for a split second when my mind reacts inappropriately to something he says, and he will notice (no one else ever has) and push me to tell him. My responses are always "nothing" or "i don't know" (and i'm telling the truth when i give those answers), but he doesn't believe me. When I tried to explain it to him, he felt like I was playing games (a result of the way his parents played games with him). We are both very frustrated. He said he's going to do his best to get used to not pushing me to express my emotions...but I desperately want him to know that I'm not messing with or lying to him.

i know what u r talking about as recently i had the same problems with my girlfriend
who loved
and still loves me very much
but couldn't handled the strange way i (we?) express emotions
perhaps because we don't
we just feel
and expect the others to know what we feel as we know what the other feels without them "expressing" it.
she to,comes from a very unusual background and is very independent,talented and unusual person
AS seems to attract mostly sensitives persons
she knows I'm not lying or hiding as i can be very emotional at times (spontaneous crying and the like) and at least retroactively she get how much i love her.
she also into photography so she can get that my face is more of a torrent of expressions(much like yours) so there is no point in trying to discern a discreet one in order to get what or how i feel
we used to watch films made about me in slow motion and see how in every frame i look like a different person
there is nothing wrong with that and there is nothing we can do about it
that is what we are
and it has some meaning that we must find by ourselfs with the help of ppl who loves us
i think our traits are not a bad thing but a sign of a really deep and true love
we just need someone who can understand that and relate to that

There's a word for that thing where you don't know what your feelings are and thus can't put a name to them to share them with others--alexithymia. It frequently co-occurs with AS.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia

That's probably the best advice for most adults. Unless you're looking for medication or services, or have some other practical purpose.

And that's only part of the story. I have trouble describing how I feel, partly due to alexithymia. It's also partly due to other things:

My emotions emerge more slowly. The socially acceptable time to complain about stuff is too limited. I honestly don't feel it yet. It's like there's an unwritten statute of limitations. That's part of why this WP format works so well. There's no time limit.

My emotions are qualitatively different. People can't hear me, can't relate, and just shrug it off.

People refuse to stretch their minds and try to understand unless you can back it up with something from some authority figure.

I've never tried it, but I bet that e-mailing each other, even though you're sitting in the same room, would help. It's just too weird.

1. As someone with a lot of experience in marriage I strongly recommend that you learn to talk to your partner about yourself anytime anything or anyone bothers you as soon as it happens, without any delay, all the time.
2. N.T.s generally find Aspies boring. Before you get married make sure he isn’t going to find you boring years from now.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/9.12/aqtest.html
Think its bone fide Samon Barron Cohen is a leading authority.

Barron Cohen is an idiot who caused a lot of damage to ppl diagnosed with AS

Sorry wasnt aware what did he do?

Same here.