"Wow, you can't get along with anyone!"

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zee
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17 May 2009, 5:45 pm

A casual aquaintance of mine said this the other day after I told him how I got kicked out of my house after fighting with my landlord. I have always had trouble "getting along" with people, whether coworkers, housemates, or family members... even others on this forum.

I know Aspies have communication issues in general, to which this may be attributed, but I'm wondering if I'm just a bad person. A lot of the people in this forum sound like their social problems are caused more by shyness/lack of engagement than by getting into fights with others. Maybe this is because I interact more with people as I am not able to avoid these confrontations (whereas I would be if I lived at home and/or wasn't employed), or maybe I am just trying to comfort myself.

Can anyone here relate? (or offer insight please?)



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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17 May 2009, 6:18 pm

I used to argue with people but not much anymore, not in person, anyway. I talked to a neighbor the other day without having a panic attack and it was cool. Sometimes I get shortness of breath when talking to them but I am recovering, it's obvious because of how I was able to have a conversation the other day.

I grew up around people who had lots of issues and it left me in a state of near total fear but now they haved moved I am sooo much better. Sometimes all you can do if you have people in your life you cannot get along with for whatever reason and they are doing things that jeopardise your well being, is seperate yourself from them.

There's been so much bad press about Aspies because of FAAAS but they have to keep in mind often we are the ones who have to deal with really hateful people. They tend to be drawn to us. Sometimes nice people might think it's okay to treat us badly because they sense there's something about us. I can't explain how their intuition works, exactly, but I believe the way they treat us has something to do with what their intuition tells their subconscious minds about us otherwise how do we attract numerous people who act the same way towards us? Often these are people who are well liked by others and they don't treat them the same way as us but they justify the way they act toward us and then they try to make us into the bad guys which is what some in this FAAAS organization are prolly doing. I have had people in my life who treated me really horribly and at the same time, tried to fool others into believing I was the bad one with so many faults. It's like some kind of projection.



Emor
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17 May 2009, 6:33 pm

I get in arguments a lot. I like to view my self as a conservative, but the truth is, I'm probably not.
I won't talk to anyone who uses the term, 'gay' as a derogatory term, if someone talks about what their wedding will be like I feel inclined to rant about how pointless the ceremony is.
I also always have viewed my self as someone who doesn't oppose there views, but I really do. It's go to the point where I can't talk to a Christian who I take seriously without arguing with them.
I argue a lot, it's the only time I'm confident I'm right. With everything else I always think I've said something wrong.
I don't know, I can't help it. All I know is that if I just let whatever the person's said that I object to slip pass I'll be 10 times more frustrated than whatever the consequences of a heated argument would make me(poorly conducted sentences=win).
EMZ=]



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17 May 2009, 6:55 pm

I can relate to this extremely well. I would estimate around 90% of my social problems can be attributed to my tendency for getting into fights with everyone.

I have no answers for you though. People in general just provoce me and I like talking down to them and insult them.



TobyZ
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17 May 2009, 7:13 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
keep in mind often we are the ones who have to deal with really hateful people. They tend to be drawn to us. Sometimes nice people might think it's okay to treat us badly because they sense there's something about us. I can't explain how their intuition works, exactly, but I believe the way they treat us has something to do with what their intuition tells their subconscious minds about us otherwise how do we attract numerous people who act the same way towards us? Often these are people who are well liked by others and they don't treat them the same way as us but they justify the way they act toward us and then they try to make us into the bad guys


This is seen in

-- bully behavior at young age.
-- predatory animals who kill the weaker or the injured

You could almost argue there is a generic bias toward abusing and killing off the weaker ones. People in wheelchairs and missing limbs get similarly treated. anyone looked if men in wheelchairs have a lower marriage rate and higher divorce rate than non-handicapped people?

A quick Google shows: http://www.mult-sclerosis.org/news/May1 ... abled.html

I think it's pretty obvious via statistics that men who have financial issues face a higher divorce rate too. so the wedding vows of "sickness" and "poorer" are there for a reason...

I only use marriage as an extreme example, as the statistics are easier to see as it is counted by state and social groups. I'm also using men in examples for simplicity, I'm sure similar trends are shown for abandoned women.



hartzofspace
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17 May 2009, 7:21 pm

I lost jobs because of arguing with people. As I matured, I learned to pick my battles. People still really piss me off when they are being incredibly stupid, but I learned for the most part, that it's a waste of energy getting angry with them. It doesn't make them any smarter, and it wears me out.


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17 May 2009, 8:08 pm

I like to think of myself as non-confrontational, but when I go out in public I am always finding myself in skirmishes with people. I find so much of the "public" to be rude and selfish and just plain stupid. I would never say that anywhere but here, but I know so many can relate.

I am very sensory-sensitive, and so loud, annoying, oblivous people drive me out of my mind. I try to avoid them, but they're everywhere. And sometimes I find myself calling people on it. I once got into a big argument with a lady whose 6-ish year old child was sitting behind me, kicking my chair repeatedly. I asked her to stop twice (very nicely!) and the third time when I turned around the woman told her daughter "it's ok honey, some people just don't like kids". :evil: I should have said, "um, kids are fine, it's parents like you that bother me." So we got into it and I got so mad I left the place. Sigh... stuff like that.



mechanicalgirl39
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17 May 2009, 8:16 pm

I have a HUGE problem with "as*hole management". People tell me I should pick my battles, but I just cannot bring myself to sit and listen to ignorance and not take someone up on it.

I will also never understand why it is often accepted in social circles that some members and be ignorant and rude and they are tolerated indefinitely. A guy I worked with once had a huge go at me for wearing dark lenses, saying I should take them off, even though my eyes seize shut and discharge. When I explained this, he threw a huge fit, saying they were the wrong kind and I should get tinted lenses instead of uber dark ones. I got angry and in his face, and he shut up. When I complained about him to others in the group I was working with, this woman actually told me I was being rude.


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Zoonic
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17 May 2009, 10:00 pm

mechanicalgirl39 wrote:
I have a HUGE problem with "as*hole management". People tell me I should pick my battles, but I just cannot bring myself to sit and listen to ignorance and not take someone up on it.

I will also never understand why it is often accepted in social circles that some members and be ignorant and rude and they are tolerated indefinitely. A guy I worked with once had a huge go at me for wearing dark lenses, saying I should take them off, even though my eyes seize shut and discharge. When I explained this, he threw a huge fit, saying they were the wrong kind and I should get tinted lenses instead of uber dark ones. I got angry and in his face, and he shut up. When I complained about him to others in the group I was working with, this woman actually told me I was being rude.


Many NT's have that behaviour. It's a mix of nepotism and cowardice. They defend people who behave bad and small minded because of that person's status within the group. I never quite figured it out either but it's some sort of doormat mentality I think. Sucking up to each other is way common among NT's.

For me it's natural to give extra attention to people who are lower on the food chain in an NT social hierarchy, to balance things out. This has angered many NT's I had to deal with. I always behaved like a social Robin Hood when dealing with people within a group.

What determines status is beyond me. I've seen NT's dance before really pathetic, weak, stuck up and small minded people with a suitcase full of inferiority complex.



chawieman
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17 May 2009, 10:41 pm

I have always behaved the same way as you have towards people, Zoonic, like a social Robin Hood. However I believe you are projecting when you say that NT's are pathetic, small-minded stuck up people with a suitcase full of inferiority complex...even if some do have pathetic tendencies. They just have different ones than aspies.



Zoonic
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17 May 2009, 11:05 pm

chawieman wrote:
I have always behaved the same way as you have towards people, Zoonic, like a social Robin Hood. However I believe you are projecting when you say that NT's are pathetic, small-minded stuck up people with a suitcase full of inferiority complex...even if some do have pathetic tendencies. They just have different ones than aspies.


If I rephrase what I meant, many NT's who people kiss up to seem to be dickless. This is something I never understood, how someone who's obviously dickless can be respected for other qualities than his natural dignity (which he lacks). I can't respect people like that, or those who suck up to them.



TheDoctor82
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17 May 2009, 11:22 pm

Zoonic wrote:
chawieman wrote:
I have always behaved the same way as you have towards people, Zoonic, like a social Robin Hood. However I believe you are projecting when you say that NT's are pathetic, small-minded stuck up people with a suitcase full of inferiority complex...even if some do have pathetic tendencies. They just have different ones than aspies.


If I rephrase what I meant, many NT's who people kiss up to seem to be dickless. This is something I never understood, how someone who's obviously dickless can be respected for other qualities than his natural dignity (which he lacks). I can't respect people like that, or those who suck up to them.


to quote Dr. Robert Stadler from Atlas Shrugged "well what do you expect when you're dealing with people?" Of course they'll suck up; they want to be part of the social structure...we don't care, as we won't be accepted in, and don't really see the benefits of doing so.

Being idiots helps them in that respect, too....



philosopher
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17 May 2009, 11:48 pm

Its not you its them the only defence is to be really nice confusing the hell out of them.



zee
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18 May 2009, 2:21 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
I used to argue with people but not much anymore, not in person, anyway. I talked to a neighbor the other day without having a panic attack and it was cool. Sometimes I get shortness of breath when talking to them but I am recovering, it's obvious because of how I was able to have a conversation the other day.

I grew up around people who had lots of issues and it left me in a state of near total fear but now they haved moved I am sooo much better. Sometimes all you can do if you have people in your life you cannot get along with for whatever reason and they are doing things that jeopardise your well being, is seperate yourself from them.

There's been so much bad press about Aspies because of FAAAS but they have to keep in mind often we are the ones who have to deal with really hateful people. They tend to be drawn to us. Sometimes nice people might think it's okay to treat us badly because they sense there's something about us. I can't explain how their intuition works, exactly, but I believe the way they treat us has something to do with what their intuition tells their subconscious minds about us otherwise how do we attract numerous people who act the same way towards us? Often these are people who are well liked by others and they don't treat them the same way as us but they justify the way they act toward us and then they try to make us into the bad guys which is what some in this FAAAS organization are prolly doing. I have had people in my life who treated me really horribly and at the same time, tried to fool others into believing I was the bad one with so many faults. It's like some kind of projection.


what's faaas? Yeah I can relate to the last paragraph especially; it seems that some people think they can get away with treating us with less respect than normal people.



zee
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18 May 2009, 2:23 pm

Emor wrote:
I get in arguments a lot. I like to view my self as a conservative, but the truth is, I'm probably not.
I won't talk to anyone who uses the term, 'gay' as a derogatory term, if someone talks about what their wedding will be like I feel inclined to rant about how pointless the ceremony is.
I also always have viewed my self as someone who doesn't oppose there views, but I really do. It's go to the point where I can't talk to a Christian who I take seriously without arguing with them.
I argue a lot, it's the only time I'm confident I'm right. With everything else I always think I've said something wrong.
I don't know, I can't help it. All I know is that if I just let whatever the person's said that I object to slip pass I'll be 10 times more frustrated than whatever the consequences of a heated argument would make me(poorly conducted sentences=win).
EMZ=]

I can definately relate to that, I also like that confidence when I know I'm right, esp. cause I feel like I'm doing stuff wrong most of the time.



zee
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18 May 2009, 2:25 pm

Zoonic wrote:
I can relate to this extremely well. I would estimate around 90% of my social problems can be attributed to my tendency for getting into fights with everyone.

I have no answers for you though. People in general just provoce me and I like talking down to them and insult them.


thanks