Corrupt A Wish

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Granted; that percentage is equivalent to nil when rounded up, so consider your wish denied.

I wish for a blank airline ticket, so I can travel to any place I wanted to and meet WP friends in person.

Granted! It turns out that all your WP friends have an overpowering smell of cat wee.

I wish I had some WP friends.

Granted. You now have those of theimperiousdork but the smell of cat wee makes you womit uncontrollably.

I wish I didn't accidentally the whole thing.

Granted; you, however, deliberately the whole thing. Ergo, nothing of value was lost.

I wish I could gain some sleep right now.

Granted. Unfortunately, you wake up about two decades later, just like a Nederlander we all know and love.

I wish for 2E36 J of a somehow temporally frozen form of electromagnetic energy somehow compressed into a canister with a single hole covered by a single cap removable only from the outside without any of the odd effects one would get from effectively creating what appears to be a 0-dimensional object from appropriate scales for viewing 2E36 J worth of mass-energy (or, of course, around 2E19 kg) and all exiting the bottle simultaneously in one direction when opened at normal velocities (essentially what one would get from converting 3 Juno) and without recoil. (Anyone up for the task?)

Granted! You get one of those energy-mo-tron things that you just said. As you approach it, its gravitational field crushes you into the size of a flour, making you sad.

I wish I could remember what it is that I wanted.

No! Missed by not mentioning gravity explicitly!

Anyway, your wish is granted. It's ... ,,, ,, . , .. ,. ,,. .,.

I wish I had the ability to control when I release a 1 cm laser* beam with 2E36 J of energy in 550nm light with no ill effects to myself.

* referring only to the highly ordered configuration of the waves. I would never A L by SER with my body. It even sounds like a mating reference.

Granted! The military can't quite figure out how to do that, so you belong to them now.

I wish I never had a bad hair day.

Granted; you will never have a bad hair day, but you hair will reek of smokes.

I wish I could be someone I really want to be.

Granted. For some reason, you suddenly have the desire to just be yourself, and there you are.

I wish that everybody who annoys me would suddenly get a severe case of athlete's foot.

Granted. They are at your door and the, "athlete's foot," is actually a well-exercised foot as opposed to a foot with fungi.

I wish that 1=0. (Now this could be interesting if everyone got over the, "...blink out of existence." thought)

Granted. Think of "Groundhog Day", with Bill Murray.

I wish that only bad things would change.

Granted; they will definitely be the only ones to change... into worse things.

I wish I could work in a perfect environment with the job I like and the pay I like.

Granted! You are now bored silly for the rest of your working life.

I wish I were a fictional character.

Granted. You are one of those poor characters writers like to destroy.

I wish for absolute order.