Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. It's huge, and made of indestructible metal. Have fun hauling it around.

I wish I were holidaying in Hawaii right now.

granted- it's a jewish holiday and no one wants you to go to there celebration

I wish for an end to all religions

Granted. Hope dies.

I wish to restore religion wished away by the previous wish.

Granted. Welcome to the theocracy.

I wish to safely ski down Mount Everest.

Granted. Everest isn't what it once was - it's the world's highest theme park and has a safe spiral skiing ramp the whole way down. Great fun! The only danger for the crowds going up and down that may bump someone off through sheer numbers.

I wish to safely live under the sea for 24 hours.

Granted. When the 25 hour strikes, you better be near the surface . . .

I wish the work day was over.

granted- you get fired

I wish I had a good paying job

Granted. You are now in payroll where you will be good at paying other people.

I wjsh to have a good night's sleep.

Granted. Whenever someone says "good night" you'll instantly go to sleep, no matter what you're doing.

I wish that each US state was a country in its own right.

Granted. They start forming alliances with each other, until eventually there exist two alliances, each involving 25 out of the 50 states. The disputed territory of Washington, D.C. is fought over by Maryland and Virginia, and after years of failed negotiations, eventually Maryland's military occupies it by force, which causes Virginia to declare war. The other 48 states, through the alliance system, are dragged into it almost immediately, and ultimately WWIII breaks out with several other countries getting dragged into it, including your home country of Australia. As your government needs more soldiers in order to fight, conscription laws are passed and you are conscripted into the army. You are one of the many millions of soldiers killed in battle and the world is almost entirely destroyed by the effects of world war with modern weapons.


I wish to go back in time and prevent Murihiku from ever making that wish and destroying the world.

Granted,unfortunately you go too far back in time and find yourself dodging dinosaurs and eating raw meat and eggs as fire hasn;t been discovered yet.


I wish the sun was a pretty shade of green.

Granted. With the change in temperature, age, and other factors, life as we know it is basically screwed unless we adapt quickly.

I wish I could be with my boycrush. (Who isn't actually a boy.)

Granted. Your disapproving relative will be there the whole time constantly giving unsolicited criticisms of every minute detail.

I wish to safely fly undetected and safely land afterward.

Granted. You are capable of flying undetected and landing safely. You did not wish to fly safely however, and since you can't be detected by others, you crash into a plane.

I wish there was a cure to all types of cancer.

Granted. Death cures all. And it's cheaper, too.

I wish I really could take a tour of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory: –
... WITHOUT falling into an unsecured, open chocolate river and then being sucked into (again, unsecured) oversized pipes; and
... WITHOUT inflating into a giant, rolling, blue balloon; and
... WITHOUT being attacked by a horde of judgmental squirrels; and
... WITHOUT becoming the next star of "Honey, I shrunk the kid!" ...
... and, without doing any other juvenile sh*t that, in real life, would frighten the living daylights out of young novel readers ...

... while still receiving a lifetime's supply of healthy, nutritious (and delicious) chocolate ... must not forget the chocolate!

Too much to ask?

Granted. However, at the end of the tour when Willy Wonka announces that you will have a lifetime supply of chocolate, and will ultimately be taking overr the factory from him, the Oompa Loompas become incensed.

They shout, "Why does this Murihiku person get the top job? We've been working here loyal to Wonka for years despite the fact he keeps us locked up in the factory, never letting us leave, and doesn't pay us for our work. And now some outsider punk kid who knows nothing about chocolate making is going to come in and tell us what to do, just because he managed to go on a simple tour without doing something obscenely stupid???? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!! !! !! !! !"

Wonka steps in and attempts to calm the Oompa Loompas, but it is to no avail. Years of pent-up frustrations with the terrible working conditions in the factory combined with having to put up with the general craziness of Wonka boil over and one of them leads the rest in a full out revolt against Wonka and you. You and Wonka attempt to escape in the glass elevator but just after you get in one of them throws a golden egg at it, shattering it. You and Wonka then attempt to run down the hallway and escape, but another egg is thrown, striking you in the back of the head and knocking you out cold. Wonka continues to run, and so the Oompa Loompas end up trampling your fallen body, which causes fatal injuries to you (the chocolate did last your lifetime!) The Oompa Loompas eventually capture Wonka, and unspeakable horrors follow.

I wish I wasn't bored enough tonight to come up with that