Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. It was the wish you just wished and is now used up.

I wish the coffee would come to me instead of the other way around.

Granted, but now the coffee drinks you. (Are we in a soviet Wrong Planet?)

I wish, I wish my tongue didn?t itch.

Granted. But now it tingles. All the time. Forever and ever.

I wish I knew the secrets of the ancient Kung Fu masters.

Granted. A mysterious man gives you those secrets, but before you have time to study them, the disciples of the ancient masters are hunting you down to keep them secret permanently.


I wish I could help people.

Granted. That's it. No corruption on that one. You have now helped me violate the rules of the game.

I wish that wishes were fishes.

Granted. They're great white sharks.


I wish for people to be more kind and considerate.

Granted. But now all the action movies with the crazy plot twists are so unrealistic that they stop making them.

I wish I could mathematically derive and then empirically prove a grand unified theory.

Granted. Earth explodes from the energy it produces.

I wish landfills would instantly decompose all trash going to them into rich topsoil.

Granted. The topsoil has lots of mercury, PCBs, and other toxic contaminants, of course, from all the garbage that people recklessly toss out.


I wish I didn't have irrational anxieties.

Granted. Now, instead of irrational anxiety, you have schizophrenic tendencies and now have very little connection with reality.

I wish I knew who I was.

You know you are a princess who has been turned into a frog but no kiss will ever lift the spell.


I wish for better tasting non flavored beer.

Granted ? non flavoured beer is so delicious and irresistible that the country is in a hospital shortage crisis from an epidemic of drunkenness related accidents.

I wish music wasn't so trashy.

Granted. You will get a visit from Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street for not allowing him to sing "I Love Trash" anymore.

I wish i would not need to go to the bathroom and stay healthy.

Granted. You are turned into a healthy tree.

I wish I had 10 pounds of an edible processed potato product in front of me right now.

Granted, and more than edible, it's delicious. However, the owner refuses to share any with you.


I wish I had neater handwriting.