Light bulb joke

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How many Aspies does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: one who stims by holding a light bulb, and one who's obsessed with spinning ladders.

This really cracked me up.

Although it seems physically impossible...unless the ladder is on a big Lazy Susan.

another joke

How do you confuse an aspie?

Give him a rubik's cube with one square without a decal on each color.

LOL

Man, I had enough trouble with the Rubik's Cube to begin with...that would drive me insane!

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb has to want to change.

how many angry aspies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

only one, but it takes a Emergency Room team to get it out!

What did the Aspie say when asked if he knew anything about horticulture?

“Oh Yes!; You can lead a whore to culture, but you can’t make her think.”

Ooh! good Dorothy Parker recycle!

It's from W. Somerset Maugham, "Summing Up."

Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)

One hundred ten attriubutions to Dorothy Parker as author of the quip.
Zero attributions to Somerset Maugham as author of the quip.

She is supposed to have coined this after challenged by her fellow Algonquin Round Table to use the word 'horticulture' in a sentence. Obviously it's a play on words on the familiar you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink and is spoken as you can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.

You seem to be correct. Now I’m befuddled as to how I came to believe it was Maugham. I’m totally illiterate with Parker. I’ll have to exhume Maugham, or rather “Summing Up,” and investigate this flaw in my recollection. Thanks for pointing it out.

you will LOVE Dorothy Parker!!

here are just a few!

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.
Do me a favor. When you get home, throw your mother a bone.
( Explaining why she was fired) Vanity fair was a magazine of no opinions, and I had opinions.

Guns are unlawful; Nooses all give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.

He (Robert Benchley) and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.
He long ago said everything about everything - and what Oscar Levant has said, stays said.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

If all the young ladies who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.


If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
(In answer to what she'd like for breakfast) Just something light and easy to fix. How about a dear little whiskey sour?

It serves me right for keeping all my eggs in one bastard.

Stop looking at the world through rose colored bifocals.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say No in any of them.

(The caption for an underwear layout) From these foundations of the autumn wardrobe, one may learn that brevity is the soul of lingerie, as the Petticoat said to the Chemise.

The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(To an actor who kept talking of his 'schedule' using the British pronunciation)
If you don't mind my saying so, I think you're full of skit.

(When a friend asked her how to get rid of his cat)
Have you tried curiosity?

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

Repartees :

Hopkins : "Don't you think she ought to wear a brassiere in this scene?"
Dorothy : "God. No. You've got to have something in the show that moves."

Ilka Chase : "Not only was Clare (Booth) loyal to her friends she was very kind to her inferiors.
Dorothy : "And where does she find them ?"

Frank Case (Manager of Hotel where she was staying) "Do you have a gentleman in your room?"
Dorothy : "Just a minute. I'll ask him."

Show Reviews

If you don't knit bring a good book.

I know who wrote those lyrics and I know the names of the people in the cast, but I'm not going to tell on them.

Book Reviews

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

This book of essays ... has all the depth and glitter of a worn dime.

This must be a gift book. That is to say a book, which you wouldn't take on any other terms.

How many Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one; you just get him chanting 'Om' long enough it'll change by itself.

Sinsboldly,
Your Dorathy review is great, oddly I’m familiar with several of them….hmmm….more befuddled than ever. Oh well, just another cognitive pothole I’ll have to fill.

Hey, how about this: What did the Aspie Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
----“Make me one with everything.”

[quote="sinsboldly"]
Guns are unlawful; Nooses all give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.
[quote]
Another Dorothy Parker fan!

My favorite poem is INDIAN SUMMER:

In youth, it was a way I had
To do my best to please,
And change, with every passing lad,
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know,
And do the things I do;
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you!

Hahahaha.