Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. Although the only way out of your home is the chimney, but some fat guy with a jolly beard in a red suit is blocking your only way out.

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I wish for my private worker elf.

Granted. As you know, elves work to make Christmas presents for the children of the world -- Santa bankrolls most of them, but you've got one charged to your own private payroll.

I wish to have this coming Tuesday off work, to visit my chiropractor and be able to come home and lie down for a couple of hours afterwards.

Granted. You are fired just before Christmas, leaving seas of time for the rest and unfortunate bills.

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I wish to mind control my fellow room mates to do my biddings.

Granted, but you can only do so while awake and when they learn of your dark and terrible they plot to kill you in your sleep, forcing you to decide whether to use your power to make them kill themselves or to spend the rest of your life on the run, each night wondering if this will be the sleep you never wake up from.

I wish for an inane blinking contraption.

>>> Granted you are granted one of those novetly strobe lights from Spencer's gifts, it gave you a nasty seizure.

I wish I could use the internet with no censorship in China, and talk to my friends on Facebook.

Granted. Though the Though Police come to bust your ass for using that capitalist pigs site, yes this is literally the words what they'll use to judge.

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I wish for the French to take over England and are forced to speak French

Granted! The French made a pact with Texas to take over Japan while they're taking over England. So the English speak French and the Japanese speak Hick.

I wish Capcom would make a Marvel vs DC game.

Granted. The game sucks monkey feces, players amass infront of Capcom's many office and do ritual suicides to force Capcom to make them a good game.

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I wish for a new tasty Ben & Jerry's flavour.

Granted! The new flavor is awesome, but you have a severe allergic reaction to it, and the emotional trauma ruins ice cream for you for the rest of your life.

I wish that flying cars will get invented in 2011.

Granted, you are the first life test dummy to test them in the government program: Forced volunteering of the mentally "ill"

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I wish you weren't a cannibal

I'm not. Unfortunately for you, we're not of the same species.

I wish you tasted better.

Granted. Your senses get overloaded with just the smell of me, fortunately blowing your brains out.

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I wish the French weren't so arrogant to foreigners.

Granted! However, you are now French, and everyone is rude to you.

I wish I could make my own movie, and it will be a Boxoffice hit.

Granted, only one wish at a time though .
You make a movie and it finally cost more then you have, to pay the loanshark you need to sell all your non-essential body parts by law .

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I wish Batman wasn't so batty

Granted! Batman is now a normal boring guy who doesn't fight crime and the joker ends Gotham.

I wish To emerge triumphant from an epic battle against the forces of evil.

Granted. You have slain evil although some other people take the honours of having done so.

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I wish for the Poltergeist to haunt you!