Corrupt A Wish

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Granted: WP finds the lost posts and then puts them in the wrong thread.

I wish Descartes could read invisible fonts.

Granted. You discover a Autism Speaks plot to erase you from the Internet, so they send Jenny Mccarthy and Jim Carrey to silence you forever in real life by means of chelation!

Repent Autie!

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I wish I had a dream

You had a dream. It contained subversive imagery, and you were dragged away by the Thought Police.

I wish I has a Rock Lobster...

Granted. You get a ... Kenyan Mangrove Crab! It has resulted in the epic crab battle:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rlrRbrRUQ4[/youtube]

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I wish for a second life

Granted. You will be reincarnated as a mayfly, which has a lifespan of approximately 48 hours.

I wish for the coming of an ice age.

Granted. You are caught in the middle.

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I wish for the next Mardi Gras

Granted. During the next mardi gras, You get drunk and end up in the street where the parade is coming. You get trampled on by a lot of marchers and no one comes around to assist you.

I wish I did not have to shovel snow.

Granted, you are transported to Soviet Russia, where the snow shovels you!

I wish to be in a better mood right now.

Granted. You start laughing hysterically and they lock you up for observation.

I wish I was on vacation, doing something fun right now.

Granted! your idea of fun is answering phones for a conglomorate so you are on vacation to the Proctor & Gamble call center answering phones!

I wish for more time in a day

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check out my website at {redacted by admin - domain taken over and points to a porn site}

When in doubt, ask an autistic. Chances are, they're obsessed with what you need to know.

Autism Speaks will NEVER speak for me

CLASSIC AUTISM

Granted! Your room is now filled with clocks of all shapes and sizes.

I wish for a chauffeur to drive me in the morning.

Fine, I will be your chauffeur ! I will trade your car in for a Black Maria.

I will next choose to tear up the roads by driving as hard as I can. I will drive you in a Black Maria like you have never seen before. I will try pendulum turns (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feint_drift), powerslides and drive to the limits of the grip of the tyres on the road surface. It will go on until either we crash, the engine fails due to over reving ! In case you are thinking it will all end when we crash/wreck the Black Maria, do not worry a high powered police car will be following us. When the Black Maria can not go on, I will change to the car and then drive you to HMP Belmarsh in the car. At the prison (where you are about to start your 2 week jail term for telling a rude joke about your shrink) I will sneak out of the car/truck and then everyone will think you were driving and YOU will get into trouble for woodpecker's driving offences.

I wish that my dog could sing like Lene Nystrøm

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted. But your dog never stops..not for sleep not for eating, he sings and sings.

I wish had a personal assistant.

Oh you want a personal assistant.... A PA.

You get a PA, but this is a very large cone which fits onto your mouth. Everything you say booms out and the whole road hears it. No matter how personal something is if you say it the whole street hears it.

I still wish that my dog would sing like Lene Nystrøm. But she would only sing between 5 pm and 9 pm. Also she has to sing the hits of aqua.

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted. You're dog is a celebrity, but she forgets about you and leaves you after being caught up in the fame and fortune.

I wish for an acceptance letter from college.

Granted, but it is a phony letter from a college in Antarctica. You travel there just to find out there isn't actually anything there, and get hypothermia on the way back.

I wish that people I like were awake and had free time to chat at the same time as me.

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I think you guys will like my blog. http://modestyking.wordpress.com/