Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. No need for those when you have no eyes

~

I wish to be real magician

Granted, and then the aliens take you away to the funny farm.



I wish that Out Of The Silent Planet were make into a movie.

Granted. It's a really bad movie and is nothing like the book.

I wish that you would grant me whatever wish you want.

I grant you the wish that people will automatically understand exactly your ideas which you wish them to understand without taking forever to explain them.

I wish for your wish to be granted for me as well.

Granted. Unfortunately, your wishes are now so perfect that they cannot be corrupted so everybody ignores you.

I wish that I could skip my meeting this afternoon.

Granted. A loanshark mistakes you for someone else and breaks both of your legs.

~

I wish for not being given the 'silent treatment' and be told what's ailing them.

(Well, my previous wish didn't work. I had to attend my meeting. Yawn.)

Granted. Now everybody pays attention to you, but they misunderstand everything you say.

I wish that meetings were not so boring.

Granted, meetings are moved to the pub. Nothing gets done and the manager downsizes.

I wish my oven didn't need 20more minutes than the cooking instructions.

Granted. The oven burns your food everytime you use it.

~

I wish for Sesame Street to be less freaky.

Granted. Now it needs 30 more minutes than the cooking instructions.

I wish for all meetings to have live entertainment.

Granted. Now you have very attractive strippers which attract all the attention away from the meeting - you lose your job.

~

I wish I had more bread minions in my control.

Granted, they do your bidding for about 10 seconds then naturally disintegrate into breadcrumb minion-ettes which are not nearly as effective.

I wish I had a high performance V8 racing car.

Granted, the empty can of V8 beats all the other scout cars racing down the track.

I wish I could go to sleep whenever I wanted.

Granted, but you can't wake up.

I wish my V8 racer contents had been poured into a glass and I was sipping it with ice.

Granted, the glass has sharp edges and cuts your tongue.

I wish I had selective control over certain subconscious aspects of my body. Such as digestion.

Granted but then your conscious has to do all the work and if it doesn't then things top, e.g. your heart.

I wish for a special taste-permeable yet glass resistant tongue shield so I can continue slurping my V8 juice