The Really Bad Advice Thread

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Taking the wrapper off before eating the candy is like cutting the crust off before eating your sandwich: Like Grandma told you, there are starving kids out there who would be happy to have what you do!

The best way to deal with angry customers is to logically explain why it's so wrong to be angry. A logical explanation always calms them down.

you want your garden plants to grow extra big, use lots of fertilizer. It's impossible to over fertilize your garden.

Walk your dog through backyards and encourage him to poop in every garden you see.

This fertilizes the plants and shows a neighborly love for the other residents of your fine community.

Your grandma was abducted by aliens and replaced with a robot grandma who is planning to destroy you.

Push the robot grandma into a lake to short circuit its grandmotherboard.

Plant marijuana plants right out in the open in your front yard. The odds are, law enforcement officials will just think they're lookalike plants and not even bother to mess with you.

A common mistake is to think that posted speed limits are maximum speeds of travel. They are not.

You must always go at least the speed posted, if not as fast as your car will go.

This is because whether on the highway or on surface streets, the DOT knows that drivers cannot waste precious time in order to have a smoothly functioning society.

Human flesh is malleable.
Therefore, you can reduce swelling around an injury
by bashing it down with a ball-peen hammer.

Be the centre of the party: tell them about you special interest, in detail.

A very efficient way of losing weight and saving money at the same time:

- Don't eat anything for days.
- Stay home and be inactive so that you won't feel hungry.
- Think about upsetting things all the time.

^I follow that advice way too often!


You should not eat fruits or vegetables; they are covered in pesticides. Plus they are all injected with secret mind control drugs by the AIA (Alien-Illuminati Alliance).

Biting is a frequently overlooked but effective tool in communication.

If you're going to sweat, sweat the small stuff, since it's the only stuff you can really do anything about. The big stuff is generally out of your control, so why waste sweat on it? But if you do a lot of sweating about stuff, big or small, make sure you always keep a bottle of water handy to stay well hydrated.

Be completely frank with your employer, especially regarding all the ways s/he's causing the company to shoot down the toilet. Bosses always appreciate feedback.

You can expect people who work for you to understand and carry out your instructions without supervision or followup.

Don't ask a stupid question. If you do, others will think you are stupid and you will be embarrassed.