Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, and everyone cheats off of you

I wish to write an awesome novel and have it become a classic.

Granted. Nobody notices it. 100 years from now it is rediscovered and becomes a classic, but you don't get to enjoy it.

I wish that I had a good excuse for everything.

Granted. Your excuse is that you have no head...literally: no head or brain, or eyes, or ears, or face, or mouth, or nose....or head.

I wish that for every A there was a B and for every B there was a Z and for every Z there was a Q and for every Q there was a T and for every T there was a 4, and for every 4 there was a 3, and for every 3 there was a *, and for every * there was a ^ and for every ^ there was a carrot.

Granted. Your wish confuses the Wish Genie and he spawns a giant, invincible fire-breathing dragon that wreaks havoc on the world, and also carrots rain down from the sky.

I wish I could teleport to anywhere in the Universe.

Granted, but you really should have double checked the coordinates of your destination. Middle of the Sun! Ouch!

I wish I could speak Klingon.

Granted. You are kidnapped by a Klingon warrior, who teaches you Klingon so that you can be his cook.

I wish I had a pint of ice cream.

Granted, but it's all melted.

I wish for summer break to hurry up and get here!

Granted. Summer break comes so fast that it hits you in the face!! ! ...and you end up in a coma. You wake up in winter.

I wish for a hamburger milkshake!

Granted:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_oLzOBgIRU&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]
anything else? beer and wine mixed maybe?

~

I wish you gave me the complete contence of your wallet voluntarily to me

Granted. Here is a principals pass, an outdated junior and sophomore id card, a few coins and 3 dollars.

I wish that I was talented at everything.

Granted. Enjoy a life filled with endless one-man shows that you are now obligated to perform in.

I wish to be able to use Netflix.

Granted, but the movies you want are not offered in streaming format and they've lost all the DVD copies, having accidently sent them to Abu Dahbi.


I wish I could go to sleep whenever I wanted to.

Granted. You can fall asleep at any time, but you also fall asleep when you want to stay awake.

Granted. You have your cat as dinner!

~

I wish I could talk to cats

Granted. They ignore you.

I wish that I had the world's best banana split.

Granted. Here you go!

Everything tastes better out of the fryer

~

I wish for my stomach fat to magically disappear