Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but everyone is bored to death after 5 min.

I wish for a world championship in ghost hunting.

Granted, but the MI5 agents all win due to their training in seeking out spooks.

I wish for a pet kitten to keep you company.

Granted, but YOU'll have to take care of it.

I wish you a nice little puppy.

Granted, but it grows up to be a big Rotweiller and drives Gromit outside to live in a cold kennel.

I wish to take Gromit for a walk in the park.

Woof woof! Gromit won't corrupt that wish.

I wish for a day of not being aware of anything but the internet.

Granted, due to a terrible accident with an exploding toaster and a wireless network your brain is now synchronised with none stop reruns of Dallas via the internet.

I wish for a faster internet connection.

Granted. Your connection is so fast your computer can't take it and explodes. Everything is on fire.

I wish Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 was out now!!

Granted, but it is sold out and then gets withdrawn from sale, so you never get a copy.

I wish to go to sleep now.

Granted. You are now asleep. Enjoy your nightmares.

I wish that I had a pleasant dream.

Granted, but you will have a very unpleasant day after you wake up.

I wish for a free "A" on all my final exams.

Granted. It is a new scale where A stands for awful.

I wish for a perfect hamburger.

Granted, it is so perfect it is put on display at the Tate Modern art gallery in London for a month before they let you take it away.

I wish I knew what the future held.

Granted. The Horror. The Horror.

I wish that people would worship me.

Granted, they think you are the Messiah, but after a while they grow bored and crucify you.

I wish for 2 inches of rain to fall on my garden tonight.

Granted, but it is acid rain and all that will grow are vinegar plants.

I wish the world would stop for one week so I can catch up with my work.

Granted, but you fall off the planet.

I wish to grow the world's largest pumpkin.