Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, you are now short of grass but the police still do you for possession anyway!

I wish for a new lawn mower.

Granted but it only mows other peoples lawns who wont pay you to mow their lawn.

I wish for cancer to be widely spread.

Granted. You are now the proud owner of a rusty:




I wish I could eat and never get any health problems from it...

Granted, you get societal problems from eating.

I wish I could see through people's minds.

Granted, you now completely see through people's minds and have no idea what is there.

I wish to live in the jungle and swing from tree to tree.

Granted. You must now spend your whole life swinging between the same two trees.

I wish for a giant bean stalk.

Granted but when you are at the top the bean stalk comes crashing down.

I wish for more time in the day.

Granted, you have so much time that you don't know what to do with it so you go join a hungry swarm of clowns and travel to flea markets preforming jigs for the rest of your long long life.

I wish that I could never lose anything ever again.

Granted. You are not allowed to own anything ever again.

I wish for a pack of killer mimes to do my bidding.

Granted: they do your bidding and hen kill you....yes, it is hen...they use a hen to kill you.

I wish that I could never lose track of any of my possessions.

Granted. The few things that you are allowed to own are glued to you.

I wish that more people would post on Wrong Planet at this time of day.

Granted. They are all trolls.

I wish that I had a regular sleep schedule.

Granted. Its night all the time and you never wake up.

I wish for unlimited wishes

Granted. Each wish makes you more unhappy than the next.

I wish that I could make a decision and have it be the right one.

Granted but every time you make a decision a live band will appear and play a fanfare followed by "Congratulations".

I wish my houseplants were self-watering.

Granted! Your house floods.

I wish for my house to be much larger than it already is.