Corrupt A Wish

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NOT {

Granted. It turns out the answer is actually a Line Feed because those idiot aliens forgot to convert the output to ASCII and the universe runs on UNIX.

I wish I could hold a physical 4-sphere.

Granted, you can, but not today.

I wish for a cool wish

Granted. Your wish is retroactively changed to, "I wish the atmosphere was frozen."

I wish every sentient being in existence becomes perfectly good.

}

Granted, but before that happens every sentient being loses sentience.

I wish that pigs fly.

Now, it is Opposite Day!

Granted. They fly off the planet somehow because of a massive sabotage attempt.

I wish I had a half brick inside a sock.

Granted, but by 'having a brick' you defecated the half brick, have fun with the other half..

I wish that this thread ended. {im not serious}

(That was a Discworld reference. Who knew a piece of ceramic could destroy an eldritch abomination?)

Granted. As soon as it ends, it starts.

No wish, so the wish gods turn you into a turnip.

I wish for a cat-hair collector.

Granted but someone put dog hair in it.

I wish for a talking helium baloon

Granted, you are taken to a mental hospital since it can only talk around you and nobody else can notice it talk.

I wish for a Towl (Like a tiger, except with the beak and eyes of an owl.)

Granted, but in your dreams only.

TallyMan: That's awright. Apology accepted.

I wish for unlimited patience.

Granted. You are now a star. Relative to you, even a human lifespan is barely a blink.

I wish my perception of time would not imply that I am older than my parents.

Granted, but due to a paradox in space time you become your own parent!

I wish for my own particle accelerator.

Granted. It accelerates particulate matter (turbidity) out of the closest cesspool.

I wish I could be more impatient, and therefore, normal seeming.

Granted; you become too impatient, people around you become impatient with you as well, and as a result, you would wish to revert to your old self.

I wish banks would give money to me, at my own disposal, even if I don't have any account with them.

Granted. They put all the money in your garbage disposal.

I wish I would feel a (Figurative! 1010 in binary could become 10 (2), 1110 (112), 1001 (65), or 1011 (81)) bit younger.