The Really Bad Advice Thread

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When starting a new job, you must quickly move to fistfight everyone to establish yourself in the pecking order.

Correcting the tour guide and contributing many interesting details will endear you to your fellow travellers.

You should always help old ladies across the street, even if they don't want to cross the street. And then charge them for services rendered.

People like being interrupted. It helps them to concentrate on the essential.

If you are out of milk, just use vodka for your corn flakes.

High heels strengthen your calf muscles, so wear then all day, every day.

Your fellow library users will appreciate it, if you hum along to the song that is playing through your headphones.

Every time you go shopping, you should buy things that are on special whether you need them or not. You'll be surprised at how much money you save by doing that.

If you feel like drinking Serbian (or Polish) bone vodka, just do it. Generations before you have done it. Be a man.

All those people telling you that eating 10 sticks of butter a day is bad for you are really just part of "Big Veggie" and their massive government lobbying arm.

If you're ever attacked by a bear, run downhill if possible. Bears can't run downhill.

And if you are on levl ground, just cover your eyes with your hands. Bears are so stupid that they figure if you can't see them, then they can't see you!

If you have gray hair, and you're going to have your Driver's License picture taken, dye your hair green----it will appear brown in your picture; if you dye it brown, it will appear green in your picture.

If people still recognise you on your Drivers Licence photo then you don't need to renew it yet.
Renewal notices are reminders to check the above.

Hook up your electrical switches in parallel with the power source, so that 'open' is 'on' by default.
Then you close the switch and create a short circuit to turn to turn off your lights (and all your neighbor's lights).

Always bring a watermelon when you go bowling. It's big, knocks down more pins, and provides a free, delicious snack after the game.