Write the worst short story you possibly can

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Once upon a time there was -

A man found a book of spells. He was illiterate. He used it for kindling. He fell into a hole two days later and died.

. . . And they lived acceptably ever after.

One very early Saturday morning local time, a dear forum was gonna be down for maintenance. Therefore Skilpadde decided to go read a little before going to sleep. The end.

The disadvantaged individual accepted their lot in life. Thee end.

Once upon a time there was a girl who loved reading. Therefore she read a lot. The end.

And now, Dot's Poetry Corner.

"Mary had a little lamb. . .with mint jelly. Thank you."

I am spam
By Spam I am
I am Spam, I hide in sand
I post as much and often as I can
No idea why my posts are all removed
When all I do is post nicely and smooth
No one on this forum called WP
Could possibly be more popular than me
Posts are made about my many names
And even threads about me that are games
I am Spam
Spam I am

See Spammer. See Spammer spam. See Moderator ban spam. The End.

I do not like green eggs and Spam. I do not like them, Spam-I-Am!

Thewe wus a pwetty pwincess wif a pweetty widdul unicworn wif spakuls n cheddur cheeese named uhhhh PICKLES n dey bof expwoded THE END

A man has sex with his girlfriend. As he's laying in the afterglow he glances over and notices that the condoms he used were 3 years out of date. He promptly packs up his crap, leaves a note explaining how the relationship just isn't for him, changes his name and moves states-- all the while thinking in his head: "What a stupid b***h. She never should have trusted me, I deserve someone who's not so stupid."

...no one said it had to be fiction...

hot smexy guy: ur eyes are as bautiful as the shinin moon & the stars lyke a foenix
me: thx u ur bdy is hottre thanbthe firy pitz of hell
hot smexy guy: i luv it whn u tell me that
me: ur so hot
hot smexy guy: i have somethjg to tell u
me: i now ur sercet ur a vampyre i have spesul majicbpowers
hot smexy guy: no ur wrong im a vampyre emo werewolf demmon fox puppy cheetuh moongoose dandelliun porpise xyolofone zebra god named zane emo marshul lee emo zackary percy von emo smexy beast cool emoboy iii
me: lets make emo babies & call them luna naeveh ginger felicijy dude buttz dingleschmiddt
hot smexy guy: yus and we live forevru in a castle in trnasylvania lyke emo goths forevr

Pute decided to not get gud at stuff and junk. He later died from priapism caused by a Brazilian wandering spiders bite.

Once upon a time there was a big, bad Troll who met a small but ferocious Spam Bot. They started bickering about who was the most effective forum harassers. The Troll thought for sure it was him, after all, no one was nastier than he was. But the Spam Bot disagreed, after all it would spout a new thread as often as the forum allowed. They decided they should both register on WP to see who could upset the good folk there the most.
The Troll started attacking, mocking and belittling members of the forum, while the Spam Bot spouted its spam for useless products and services.

Who won the competition?

Neither. The Spam Watch and The Troll Brigade reported them both. The Troll and the Spam Bot were whacked by the Spam Busters and the Troll Terminators before they knew what hit them. the end