Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. It is at absolute zero and actually contains not a single iota of energy of any kind (only the M without the E in E=M*C^2 for stationary objects). It quickly gets ruined because it is moving at zero velocity relative to (0,0,0).

I wish I could raise the dead perfectly such that they are actually living.

Granted. They are alive but not healed, so they die again immediately.

I wish for a peaceful day.

Granted. You found tranquility in the final rest after 24 hours of eerie silence.

I wish I had the ability to create or destroy mass-energy.

Granted. You can create one neutrino per year.

I wish for a blueberry danish.

Granted! Though it is so good that people stalk you to snag it!

I wish it was't so cold...

It is no longer cold, welcome to the lake of flame (AKA hell). I guess you will find it warm here !

I wish that my dog could do calculus, she must be able to do differential calculus and be able to Integration. stuff like dy/dx = x^2 for y =(x^3)/3.

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Granted. She will not do anything you tell her to do and spends the time fooling around with various problems for the fun of it. It all ends when she divides you by zero without being able to use L'Hôpital's Rule and you lose the status of being defined.

I wish I could preserve anything I wanted for any amount of time I chose.

Granted, but to do that you have to seal it all up in a ziplock bag.

I wish I had a banana split.

Granted. SLICE! Unfortunately, all the ice cream vendors within 120 km were vaporized.

I wish for fish.

you get a split kipper

wish for spaghetti hoops

Granted. Thick spaghetti hoops have an unexpected strength.

I wish for a blessed rustproof wand of fire (5:127).

Granted, but it has no charges left.

I wish for an absolutely perfect piece of fruit.

Granted. It is absolutely perfectly spoiled, i.e. frvctvs commvtaverat.

I wish I could alter the flow of, "objective," time.

Granted but you will live in a life where everyone around you is frozen in place, as though time stopped moving.

I wish to get a 3.0 GPA or higher this semester and at least pass my classes.

Granted. Following this semester, everything collapses.

I wish there were three solar eclipses within an hour (despite the astronomical impossibility) today.

granted, but what comes after that is completely your responsabilty

i wish for a happy ending