What's Your Line?

Post Reply New Topic

Donkey: I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going... take drastic steps, kick it to the curb. Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right now, I'd step all over it.....

"Shrek"

"Here's how it is: The Earth got used up, so we moved out and terraformed a whole new galaxy of Earths. Some rich and flush with the new technologies, some not so much. The Central Planets, thems formed the Alliance, waged war to bring everyone under their rule; a few idiots tried to fight it, among them myself. I'm Malcolm Reynolds, captain of Serenity. She's a transport ship; Firefly class. Got a good crew: fighters, pilot, mechanic. We even picked up a preacher for some reason, and a bona fide companion. There's a doctor, too, took his genius sister outta some Alliance camp, so they're keepin' a low profile. You understand. You got a job, we can do it, don't much care what it is."

Mal in Firefly.

Princess Fiona: [as ogre] Donkey, shh, shh. It's me... in this body.

Donkey: [gasps] Oh, my God, you ate the princess!

"Shrek"

Mal: "What in the hell happened back there?"

Wash: "Start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a 90-pound girl 'cause. . . I don't think that's ever getting old."

Serenity.

[first lines]

[a fairytale book appears]Shrek: [narrating] Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love's first kiss.

[tears out a page from the book and shuts it]

Shrek: [laughs] Like THAT's ever gonna happen! What a load of...

[flushes toilet and comes out]

"Shrek"

Mal: "We're coming down to empty the vault now!"

Vault Guard: "You'll have to give me your authorization password! (Gunfire from Jayne)"Uh. . . okay!"

Serenity.

Merry Men: [singing] Ta da, da da da da - whoo!

Monsieur Hood: I steal from the rich and give to the needy...

Merry Man: He takes a wee percentage...

Monsieur Hood: But I'm not greedy - I rescue pretty damsels, man I'm good!

Merry Men: What a guy, ha ha, Monsieur Hood!

Monsieur Hood: Break it down...

[Merry Men Irish step dance]

Monsieur Hood: I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid...

Merry Men: What he's basically saying is he likes to get...

Monsieur Hood: Paid!

Monsieur Hood: So, when an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad.

Merry Man: [joining in] That's bad, that's bad, that's bad!

Monsieur Hood: When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad!

Merry Men: He's mad, he's really, really mad!

Monsieur Hood: Now I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys, 'Cause I'm about to start...

[Fiona swoops in and kicks him - the music stops]

Princess Fiona: Man, that was annoying!

"Shrek"

Donkey: Say, Shrek, what're we gonna do with our swamp?

Shrek: OUR swamp?

Donkey: You know, when we're through rescuing the princess and all that...

Shrek: Donkey, there's no "we", no "our". There's just ME and MY swamp! And the first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.

Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me very deep just now... You know what, Shrek? I think this whole wall thing is to keep somebody out!

Shrek: [sarcastic] No! You think?

Donkey: Are you hiding something?

Shrek: Let it go, Donkey.

Donkey: Oh, this is one of those onion things, isn't it?

Shrek: No, it's one of those drop-it-and-leave-it-alone things.

Donkey: Why won't you talk about it?

Shrek: Why do you WANT to talk about it?

Donkey: Then why are you blocking?

Shrek: I'm not blocking!

Donkey: Oh, yes you are!

Shrek: Donkey, I'm warning you...

Donkey: Just who are you trying to keep away? Just tell me that, Shrek?

Shrek: EVERYONE! All right?

[pause]

Donkey: Oh, now we're getting somewhere!

Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete.....

"Shrek"

"Gee, that's funny. I've never seen garbage eat garbage before."

Clark Kent in Superman II.

[Shrek and Fiona are having dinner on the last day of their journey]

Princess Fiona: Mmmm... This is good... mmm... this is really good... what is it?

Shrek: A weed rat, cooked rotisserie style!

Princess Fiona: No kidding... Oh, this is delicious!

Shrek: Well, they're also great in stews. Now I don't mean to brag, but I make a MEAN weedrat stew!

[They both look over at the kingdom of Duloc]

Princess Fiona: I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night...

Shrek: Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime... I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you: swamp toad soup, fish-eye tartar, you name it!

Princess Fiona: I'd like that...

[he sucks up a weedrat tail, and awkwardly laughs. She smiles back at him, and their eyes meet. In the background, a love ballad, "You Belong To Me," plays]

Shrek: Um... Princess?

Princess Fiona: Yes... Shrek?

Shrek: I... um... I was wondering... are you... um... are you going to eat that?

[he makes a gesture of frustration when she isn't looking. She places the weedrat in his hand, and they lean toward each other... ]

"Shrek"

"Laverne, I'm washing my hands of both of you! You're rotten to the core! You deserve each other!"

Klinger in M*A*S*H.

Shrek: Quick, tell a lie!

Pinocchio: What should I say?

Donkey: Say something crazy, like, "I'm wearing ladies underwear!"

Pinocchio: I'm wearing ladies underwear.

Pinocchio: [silence]

Shrek: Are you?

Pinocchio: I most certainly am not!

Pinocchio: [nose extends]

Donkey: It looks like you most certainly am are!

Pinocchio: I am not!

Pinocchio: [nose extends]

Puss-in-Boots: What kind?

Gingerbread Man: IT'S A THONG!

"Shrek 2"

Pokedex: "Rattata forages in the forest for fruits, roots, nuts, and berries."

Ash: "But this isn't a forest! It's an open field!"

Pokedex: "They also come out to open fields to steal food from stupid travellers."

Ash: "D-Does that mean that. . . I'm stupid?"

Pokemon.

House: "Oh thank you, Rationalization Man, you've saved the village."

YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, HOMER SIMPSON!"

Devil Ned Flanders in The Simpsons.

Shrek: Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you.

Donkey: Oh, man! Where do I begin? First there was the time the farmer traded me for some magic beans. I ain't never gotten over that. Then this fool went off and had a party, and they all started trying to pin a tail on me. Then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling "Piñata! Piñata!" What is a piñata, anyway?

"Shrek 2"