Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. You are stopping and starting so much that it is impossible to get anything done.

I wish for a Pop-Tart.

Granted. Unfortunately, you're allergic to the flavour and get sick.

I wish for a date with Dr. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds.

Granted. I would have wished for a fig.

I wish for an intact golf-cart not crashed into a light-pole.

Granted. It crashes into a fire hydrant and water gushes all over you.

I wish for 2+2 to equal 5.

Granted. 4=5, 0=1, and 1 earth equals 0 earth. Everything vanishes.

I wish for a glider of five dots.

You get a hanglider with 5 huge holes in it and you plummet off a cliff.

I wish to show my man face!

Granted. Your lizard face eats it.

I wish for a lizard.

You get a 60 foot mosasaur that you have to keep in a huge tank full of water.

I wish that I was Heavy Weapons Guy

Granted. Other Imperial Guardsmen will be necessary to assist with handling the weapon and the Commissar chooses you.

I wish for an increase in entropy.

Granted. The heat generated will burn you.

I wish to sing on-key.

Granted. You stand on an austenitic key of radius 0.03cm and sing.

I wish to be near an opened, completely safe gold mine and have access to it.

Granted. You will have access to the mine, but not its contents.

I wish to understand what animals are saying.

Granted. Even the most definitely non-linguistic communication of insects are included.

I wish for a shrink-wrapped AP exam packet.

Granted. It shrunk to a microscopic size.

I wish for the earth to spin backward.

Granted.

I wish for a flashlight that actively absorbs light.

[Hmm. Reminds me of the "put-outer" thing from the first Harry Potter book.]
Granted. The universe becomes dark and we all die.

I wish to improve my tablet drawing skills by a very large degree during this summer.