Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. It is full of unpopped kernels.

I wish for a 3-sided die

Granted; the die is very difficult to roll and has sharp edges that give you "dice-cuts" every time you touch it.

I wish that no child ever had to suffer.

Granted, now all the adults do.

I wish for something to make me feel better.

Granted, but you now can't see, hear, or smell.

I wish I were 20 again and know what I know now.

Granted, however the side effects of the temporal readjustment leave you with a rusted car bumper complexion and breath that literally peels paint!

I wish the moon really was made of cheese.

Granted. The cheese melts due to the sun and falls to the earth, causing the extinction of life here.

I wish for a 2-headed coin to land on its side.

Granted but you didn't say what side so it lands on one of the faces.

I wish to think faster.

Granted, you already have. You just missed it.

I wish for people to come here more often.

Granted, people come here more often, but they just read, and don't post.

I wish for a perfectly formatted posting.

Granted, now everyone's posts look both identical and boring.

I wish I could turn off bad habits at will.

Granted, but you can't turn them on again, and you find that life is very boring without a few bad habits.

I wish for an escape clause.

Granted. The clause has riders that you must pay a severe penalty to escape.

I wish eye contact was considered rude and aggressive behavior by society.

granted Some one had a loud noise you we startled you looked some one in the eye, you get 6 months in jail for you're crime aganst humanity.
I wish I could shape shift at will.

Granted, you can take any form you want, as long as it is a snail.

I wish for a little red Corvette.

Granted : Prince sends you his hotwheels (and they're wrecked)

I wish I still had all my toys from childhood in mint condition.

Granted, but to keep them in mint condition, you have to be wrapped in plastic.

I wish for a new MacBook Air.