Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. They're now all gloriously manic, so they've formed an expedition to the other end of the universe, where they are sure everyone will appreciate their superhuman (er.. superstellar?) abilities much more.

I wish my headache would go away.

Granted. It later returns with ten more of its friends.

I wish I had a penny for my thoughts.

Granted/ You are now 1 cent richer and brain dead.

I wish insects would stay outside.

Granted. They do stay outside. But there are so many of them pressing against your doors and windows, it's like you are snowed in, but with bugs. You can't get out of your house. You eventually run out of food and supplies and you die. (Your body remains bug bite free and they do not feast on your remains.)

I wish I did not have a terrible sunburn.

Granted. It's a giant rug burn instead. Stop running in the house.

I wish someone kind and trustworthy would cuddle me.

Granted. They cuddle you but insist on calling you Fifi and dressing you in frilly baby clothes and they refuse to speak to you in complete sentences. Ooose wittle baby Fifi?

I wish my dishes cleaned themselves.

Granted, but you also have to live with a smelly troll that tries to make love to you.

I wish that you lived in the Redwall World and were a squirrel.

Er, ok, granted. I am now a squirrel. You also get sucked into the Redwall world with me and you are eaten by squirrels.

I wish I had more motivation.

You have the same motivation of a squirrel nuts.
I wish I could text better.

Granted, but now the only way that you can communicate is by texting.

I wish for a guru.

Granted, but it's a hit being for the mob and your the test victim.

I wish it only rained after sunset.

Granted. It now pours until flash flooding ensues. Then, when the sun comes up, it bakes everything until the earth cracks everywhere. The rest of us are now huddled in a cave somewhere, sparingly doling out our rations, debating how to most fittingly reward you for this.

I wish I had all my clothes that need mending get mended by an expert seamstress by tomorrow morning.

Granted. You get a bill for $500,000 for it.

I wish life wasn't so terribly bad.

Granted. It's now terribly worse.

I wish my eye would stop bothering me.

Granted, but now your nose is continually running and that green guey stuff is coming out.

I wish for something bad to happen to me.

Granted. It does. But it was not the kind of bad you wanted, and it does not make you feel better, assuage your guilt, or appease your need to punish yourself, etc.

I wish for soft fuzzy socks.