The Really Bad Advice Thread

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Judges lead a busy life. They appreciate being reminded of the true meaning (of course including etymology) of legal terms.

Yu know who likes to be told ho to do their job? Everyone. You should do so at every opportunity, especially for jobs you know nothing about (outside the box thinking is aleways appreciated, right?)

Always ask a lady if she desires to be kissed.

If it's really foggy out, drive faster than you would normally. The less time you're on the road in such conditions, the less likely you are to be involved in an accident.

Force a loud fart to graciously indicate to your host that they have successfully topped off your hungry belly with filling, satisfying and readily-digestible food.

The application of more force solves most problems.

If you're low on gas, drive as fast as you can so you can get where you're going before you run out.

If your computer is acting up, it may just be thirsty. They sometimes get parched from the internal heat buildup.

Just pour a glass of orange juice or sangria on the keyboard and watch your tech troubles melt away.

Make up your own words for technical terms, and let other people try to figure out what you mean. They'll enjoy the challenge!

If you are a true animal lover, you should steal other people's pets and release them somewhere else so that they will have freedom from petdom.

Always wear shoes that are two sizes too small. They're good for your feet.

That special someone you like will never notice you unless you use the element of surprise.

Standing outside their window and serenading them with a tuba at 3:00 AM should do the trick.

Always throw stones at the police. They love it!

Stones are delicious once you bite through the hard outer shell and get to the sweet caramel interior.

Wall sockets have openings so you can shove metal objects into those holes.

If you are in a hurry and need to drive on the sidewalk, deflating your tires will make them nice and soft and comfortable for the pedestrians you run over.