Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. A talking pot of coffee now begins to annoy you by pestering you about everything imaginable, so that you can never sleep again!

I wish I had a warm blanket.

Granted. It's very warm, but it's only one square inch in size.

I wish that payday came more quickly.

Granted, you now get payday every day! However, your pay is now $1 a day.

I wish I could just graduate and be finished with university immediately.

Granted but you did say that you wanted a degree.


Wish I could turn time forward or back.

Granted, but the machine that causes wishes to be granted assumes a spell checker corrected your spelling, so it thinks you meant thyme. You can now turn a package of it around any way you like in your hands. (That machine is obviously friends with the PRIZE MACHINE.)

I wish I could get my chores, exercise, and interests all taken care of in the same day without becoming frantic or running myself ragged to accomplish it.

Granted. You now have nothing to do and no interests to entertain. Your life is pretty empty...

I wish I could breathe underwater and everywhere else.

Granted. However, while enjoying being able to breathe underwater, you are eaten by a shark.

I wish for a new computer

Granted, it is an unused Commodore 64.

I wish to understand the lost scrolls.

Granted. You now go insane from what they say.

I wish that someone would post ANYTHING regarding my favorite movie without just having it be about their fan characters messing around with the author claiming it's a fanfic even though you can barely call it one since it has almost nothing to do with the original work.

Granted. They post a scathing review that forever ruins the movie for you.

I wish I hadn't been eaten.

Granted. Now only half of you was eaten.

I wish for truth and justice.

Granted. As punishment for unjustly corrupting my wish, you are forced to learn a truth which mortal minds cannot bear, leaving you catatonic.

I wish I wasn't dead, maimed, or injured in any way, physically or psychologically.

Granted. A loved one (or, if you're an absolute hermit, your favorite celebrity) is maimed to death.

I wish for a lifetime supply of kettle corn.

Granted, but you can no longer leave your home or move or access basic amenities for the volume of it (until you've eaten it to clear space)

I wish I had less body hair!

Granted. You lose the hair on your head.

I wish to fly like a bird.

Granted! You never land.

I wish for lifetime access to a swimming pool.