Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. It tells you off using foul language.

I wish to drink a vanilla shake made correctly and with all fresh ingredients.

Granted. The ingredients are so fresh they haven't been pasturized, and a trip to the emergency room for food-born illness is in your future.

I wish my silly kitten would behave and not get into trouble.

Granted. But it's now joined by a very serious kitten who causes international incidents. Officials will be by your house in the near future to talk a few things over with you. I hope you're prepared to explain...

I wish we got more sunny days around here.

Granted, you now live in a desert.

I wish for a crab dinner.

Granted. The crabs are still alive and attack you.

I wish to escape a black hole.

Granted. You successfully flee the hole that's been worn through your black socks. Feel better?

I wish tonight's supper would cook itself for me.

Granted. Ready for very slightly fried runny eggs, hard saltless vegetables, burnt saltless stewed meat and hard over-salted potatoes? Nothing was said to the genie about the quality of the supper.

I wish I had a year's supply of chocolate.

Granted, but you can only eat chocolate for the whole year.

Where is my breakfast?

As that is not a wish, it was not made.

I wish mosquitoes did not bite.

Granted. Unable to feed themselves, they begin to die, which results in the birds and frogs that feed on them dying, which of course means the things that eat small birds and frogs die, and so on until through this chain of events, most of life as we know it dies off, and the world is now ruled by plants!

I wish my cats would quit ripping out the house insulation.

Granted, the asbestos kills them.

I wish Disney had picked somebody other than J.J. Abrams to direct the new "Star Wars" movie.

Granted. Now Disney has picked you to direct it and you'll get thousands of angry nerds after you if you mess up.
I wish my university thesis would write itself.

Granted. However your theis consists of "this is my very(repeated thousands of times) awesome thesis" and nothing else. You get an f and flunk the course. The teaching assisant dies from laughter after looking at your thesis. I hope you are proud of yourself.

I wish everybody had a healing factor like Wolverine from Xmen.

Granted. It goes crazy and causes severe tumors, thus wiping out all multi-cellular life.

I wish to stand on top of a one-tonne brick composed of uranium (and have the wish corrupted in a manner not related to radiation).

Granted. The brick somehow does a barrel roll and crushes you. Your death was not caused by radiation at least.

I wish I could explain people how complicated I am and how complicated my situation is so that they would understand it.

Granted. They utilize that information in an exploitative manner.

I wish for information-theoretic death.