Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, the second diluvian period begins with massive flooding, so start building your arks.

I wish for a normal amount of rain.

Granted! It rains every single day!

I wish hipsters would leave Portland and never return!

Granted. Everybody leaves Portland, including the hipsters.

I wish for a bowl of flaming jello.

Granted. You're now the circus fire eater.... real hot and spicy..


I wish my oven would clean itself.

Granted. Now everything you cook in there will taste like soap

I wish I had more energy right now

Granted. You get electrocuted.

I wish the stars in the sky would actually twinkle.

Granted. All the stars twinkle, including our sun. The solar flares caused by the twinkling roast the planet. Smores, anyone?

I wish I had more cherry-flavored cupcakes.

Granted, but you eat so many that you get sick.

I wish I had a personal assistant.

Granted. It is an identity thief and secretly steals your identity.

I wish for x-ray vision

Granted, but now youan't see ANYTHING normally, and so you have trouble with getting around and doing normal stuff in life.

I wish for something that will not make me scared when I see it.

It will make you really scared when you hear it with its maniacal evil laughter. But its invisible.

I wish for cups and glasses that never spill and make a mess.

Granted. They're glasses and cups that are never filled and cannot be touched.

I wish snakes weren't venomous.

Granted. Everything else is now venomous.

I wish social skills weren't considered by HR personnel when making hiring decisions.

Granted. They now just exclusively hire anyone who would never create a username beginning with the letter G.

I wish that the pile of laundry I have to go take care of would just take care of itself.

Granted. It self destructs, and now you have no laundry.

I wish that clouds would sing happy songs.

Granted. In order for them to sing, they have to produce noise, meaning heavy rain, high wind blasts, and for percussion, heavy hail.

I wish for an indestructible working umbrella big enough to cover me.