Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. You will be transported to that time and die out with that.

I wish to end all tragedies all around

Granted. You end all tragedies by the parsimonious method of ending humanity!

I wish I knew how to rephrase the sentence “Any sufficiently advanced stupidity is indistinguishable from malice” in English, but using only Germanic words.

Granted. But all of the sufficently stupid people think "germanic" has something to do with nazis, and choose to kill you for your choice of words. I wish for an endless supply of household products..

Granted. A neverending stream of household products is poured from above. Not only do they crush you, the unstoppable flood obliterates anything in its path. Before long, they cover the whole Earth, and keep building up. Eventually the combined mass becomes a black hole.

I wish I could see it happen and tell the tale

Granted, but you will be the first talking spaghetti noodle.

I wish to be the first girl to brighten up the moon with colorful graffiti.

Granted. You land on the Moon and paint graffiti all over it to your heart’s content. Too bad the ticket was one-way!

I wish the Earth had a second moon.

Granted, too bad it will be locked in a geostationary orbit directly over your location. Therefore you will never again see the sun.

I wish I were fluent in all languages, past and present.

Granted. You know every language spoken at any time since our ape-like ancestors developed the capability of speech. Nothing ever said escapes you. Oh, but you’re fluent, aren’t you? So you flow, as an embedded conscience in water. You reach the oceans, and your essence is diluted everywhere as water repeats its cycle. You can’t talk to anybody, even if you understand everything they say.

I wish I could see a red lake.

Granted. A bunch of carnage just occurred and the lake is red with massive amounts of blood.

I wish innocent people were not imprisoned nor executed.

Granted, but criminals also get away with their deeds. Full lawlessness ensues.

I wish I had both lungs and gills.

Granted, but they are the only things you have. Heart? What heart? And say goodbye to your brain...

I wish I was in a supermarket!

Granted. however it closed several months ago. and the food was just left to rot. And vermin have found their way in and the doors are locked and it is 100 degrees outside and the power is out no air conditioning. Enjoy the smell.

I wish Everybody could fly like superman(at subsonic speeds)

Granted, but they aren't exactly good at controlling it and crashes ensue.

I wish I was a planet!

Granted. But you're so small the scientists decide to demote you to planetoid.

I wish I owned a Star Destroyer.

Granted, but it's the size of an atom.

I wish I was a tree stump!

Granted. however you did wish for the crew to pilot to be present. so you are unable to fly it anywhere. and you are not on it. as you have no way to get to it, due to it being in a far, far away galaxy. But you do own it outright. have fun with your star destroyer that you can't even talk to.

I wish it would be my vacation now in a crime free area with good traffic and I have lots of spending money with many shops around with things I want to buy.