Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but...can you say "earthquake?"

I wish I could turn my friends into hands!

You already are, but since tree stumps have brains the size of an atom you don't even realize it.

I wish I was comfortably rich.

Granted, but--wait, tree stumps have brains?--the money is delivered to your house in coins, and the mountain of nickels crushes you!

I wish I had a giant soft

I've just been crushed by the coin of the realm.

I wish I knew what a giant soft was.

Granted. Now perhaps you can tell me what it is.

I wish for harmony in my family.

Granted, but you get a new and harmonious family of lizards!

Oh and I meant a giant soft smiley, like this one here

That is what I wish for!

Granted, but it mistakes you for a piece of candy and eats you.

I wish I had a pet dragon.

Granted, but it sets pedestrians on fire and you get arrested and put in jail.

I wish I had a mirror.

Granted, but you're toast!

I wish I lived in Tokyo.

Granted, but
g
o
d
z
i
l
l
a.

I wish I was in an oven!

Granted. Naturally enough, someone casually turns it on and leaves

I wish I could have an ichthyosaur for dinner.

Granted, but it recently had some nice healthy poison.

I wish I was Herobrine!

Granted, but now that you’ve been spotted, you disappear.

I wish for the next poster to build a life size statue of me.

Granted, but I made it out of explosives, lit it, and threw it at your place of residence.

I wish I could move laundry with my mind.

Granted. Now all the laundry in the whole world is at your place of residence.

I wish NASA would build me a space telescope.

Granted, but I steal it

I wish I could destroy things just by thinking about it!