Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but everything you say has to rhyme.

I wish I could talk to Shakespeare.

Granted, but all the nouns, verbs and adjectives in the conversation are new words that you each made up on the spot, rendering you basically unable to understand each other's meaning even though the grammar is discernible.

I wish for an Emu.

Granted. Since your wish was vague I will assume that you meant you wish to wed an Emu. But since human–animal marriage is not recognized in law by any country, you will need to relocate to the moon. Where they have no such laws. May you two live happily ever after.

I wish my school would grant me a diploma and allow me to graduate today.

Granted. But they make a mistake in the computer system and accidentally give to me instead.

I wish that my last exam ever of university this afternoon allows me to pass and graduate

Granted. You pass and graduate but due to this roving computer glitch your degree states that you have just graduated canine obedience school.

I wish I were the principal of my school for a week.

Granted. You are the principal of your canine obedience school.

I wish I was immune to cinnamon.

Granted. All other spices are now lethal to you.

I wish batteries would stay charged forever.

Granted, but they are powered by the tortured souls of Hell.

I wish that I didn't have a libido.

Granted, but now you have no endocrine system either.

I wish for another corrupted wish from Bamboo Sun that's as awesome as the last one.

Granted! You're welco- oh, wait...oops. Sorry about that.

I wish that, now that I'm done university as of today, I'll be able to find a great job in my chosen field with good pay very soon.

Granted. Your job is cleaning the toilets in the offices of the relevant company with only your tongue and your left eyelid.

I still wish I had a non-corrupted cookie.

Granted. You had a non-corrupted cookie, but then I stole it and ate it. Thanks!

I wish for a peaceful, relaxing weekend.

You had a peaceful, relaxing weekend, except for the fact that I stole and ate one of your non-corrupted cookies.

I wish I had a had I wish I.

Sciuridae ate one of the cookies... eeeeeeexcelent.

Granted, you receive a free palindrome:
So many dynamos.

(*Looking at Sciuridae, then looking at my watch*) I wish that cookie would hurry up and take effect.

Granted. Sciuridae's cookie has taken effect but first he generously wished forThetaIn3D to receive a well deserved, all expenses paid vacation in Hokkaido, Japan.

Also granted, Moments after ThetaIn3D disembarks the plane, a volcano erupts beneath the ocean floor breaking Hokkaido free from the other Japanese islands, sending it hurtling into the air, where it comes to rest, still intact, on the shores of North Korea and ThetaIn2D is immediately imprisoned on suspicion of being a Western spy.

I wish I was the best public speaker in the civilized world.

Granted, You are sent to an uncivilized area where you are unable to speak.

I wish computer cookies were edible.