Corrupt A Wish

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You research the matter and discover that corned beef is actually made from ground up people.

I wish that I had a miniature infrared-control helicopter which could be used outside, rather than screwing up in the slightest bit of wind.

Granted, but it rains...hard.

I wish for a chance to make new friends and maybe even get a boyfriend.

Oh, PLEASE!

You wish for a boyfriend?

With the 90% of the males on WP having a crush on you?

Wish is therefore granted, but you are going to have to choose from all the applicants, and there will be hurt feelings, I assure you.

I wish that I knew who created the crypt of the Bat Creek Skeletons.


Sylkat

granted.

But then an anvil mysteriously falls from the sky cartoon style and causes you to forget everything else you've ever known.

I wish the upstairs neighbor lady would stop scaring the crap out of me and find someone else to harass.

Granted. She finds someone else to harass, and all is peaceful for a while. Except this someone else turns out to be a psychopath and ends up killing her. She blames you, and goes back to harassing you ... from the grave.

I wish I could fly on a real-life pegasus.

Granted.

You are tied to a pegasus missile just before launch.

I wish my apartment cleaned itself.

Granted, but there has to be somewhere to dispose of the junk and dust. So, the apartment dumps everything unwanted on you.

I wish I owned a Spanish villa.

Granted.

But the villa is infested with touchy-feely hippie nudist squatters.

I wish someone would fix my car for free.

Granted. They fix it for free and then they drive off with it. You never see that car again.

I wish I could compose classical music.

(waves a wand) Ta-dah.... you are now able to compose music for the classic 'NES' video game system.
You can now mix those ear-bleeding bleeps and honks up like a pro !

I wish that the weather today was less overcast.

Granted.

An asteroid knocks the earth out of its orbit and it drifts closer and closer to the sun, eventually pulling it into the sun (always sunny from then on).

I wish I could quit smoking.

Granted. But you gain an awful lot of weight in the process, and become addicted to inferior cheeses.

I wish I were a billionaire ... so f***ing bad
Buy all of the things I never had ...

Granted.

But then you get sentenced to 50 years in prison for running a massive ponzi scheme.

I wish someone would steal my identity and pay off my student loans.

Sigh ... me, too!

In the meantime, your wish is granted. Your identity, your marriage, your house and your future billionaire wealth (thanks to your well-funded education) are all stolen – but at least your student debt is paid (not like mine ... sigh).

I wish that Australia could elect a Prime Minister without that person being deposed mid-term by his/her own party. Is it really too much to ask for?

Granted.

The new prime minister is an evil scientist who has discovered an effective mind control technique and enslaves all of humanity.

I wish I had never been tricked into seeing the beginning of the 2 girls 1 cup video.

Granted, the memory of watching that is gone from you, but so is every memory you've had before it.

I wish I was very strong.