Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, Grasshopper....

So the government gives you $100,000, then you disappear into some mysterious monastic religion, and scatter the money to the four winds.

I wish I had a lily pond.


Sylkat

Granted.

you now have a lily pond so perfect that every frog on the continent is lining up to get in. The noise is so deafening that you actually go deaf.

I wish that the people I have to audit didn't depise me.

Granted - They fall in love with you. So much so that that break up with their spouses in order to be with you. Then the ex-spouses come to kill you in a crime of passion.

I wish to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.

This sounds suspiciously like the little people on the tiny world in'Horton Hears A Who', but you get your wish anyway.


However, it will take ten years of international court battles to determine what song we shall sing.

I wish I had a Segway.


Sylkat

Granted.

Unfortunately, due to a major manufacturing error, your segway gives you a taser gun strength shock every time you touch it.

I wish good steaks grew on trees.

Wish is granted, sort of, because they already do.

That is why you see all of those photographs of trees in Africa that are full of vultures.

They have eaten all of the steaks.

I wish for an overcast, cool day tomorrow.


Sylkat

Hurricane!! !!

I wish I was a Goddess.

Granted.

You are now Mosquita, the Goddess of Mosquitoes. They come to worship you in clouds so thick they block out the moon.

I wish I wasn't so dang tired all the time.

Granted, you're now more energetic than ever, unfortunately it means you've now developed insomnia.

I wish i could have peaceful, restful sleep.

You will have peaceful, restful sleep from now on, but you will dream only of toenail clippings.

I wish I could play the piano perfectly without having to practice.

Granted.
you can now play the piano perfectly without having to practice.
Unfortunately, after playing non-stop for weeks on end, you develop a terminal case of tendonitis.

I wish my truck hadn't broken down yesterday.

Granted. Going into the corrupted time machine back to yesterday, you get into an accident totaling your truck before it had a chance to break down.

I wish to literally paint the town red, but not spend all day doing it.

Granted.
You obtain one of those helicopters they use to put out forest fires and dump red paint all over the town. It only takes 23 hours, 59 minutes, and 59 seconds.

And then you get the $19,000 bill for 56 tons of red paint, a $76,000 bill for helicopter rental and pilot's comission, and a fine of $150 for grafitti.

I wish I had less ear hair.

Granted. Bot of your ears get chopped off.

I wish it wasn't so hot here (but still warm enough to be comfortable)

Granted.
The temperature instantly stabilizes where you feel most comfortable and never changes again.

Unfortunately, it causes a massive ecological imbalance and begins an era of mass extinction.

I wish I had a smart phone instead of a 2001 WalMart flip phone.

Granted, but it's a Blackberry.

I wish I had a million dollars.