Corrupt A Wish

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mmm… nothing says snacks like brains and eggs! Come to think of it, I wonder how safe liver is. One of its functions is detoxification, so there should be stuff there not fit for consumption. And kidney and brains of cattle should be avoided at any rate due to BSE.

Hey, no fair using my corruptions against me, BTW!

Granted. But I’m not a mind reader so I don’t know what you come up with. I think it might have involved arachnids though.

I wish I could be a turtle for a while.

Yeah, seriously! Barf!

Granted, but you are now Yertle the Turtle (who is stacked up on all the other turtles so to be able to see the whole kingdom), but Mack the turtle at the bottom of the pile causes you to fall off the top and into the mud, freeing the other turtles. Do you really want to be Yertle?

I wish that I didn't just get jalapeno in my eye. It burns!

Granted. You are placed upside-down and can't move.

I wish fire alarms did not have an annoying buzzing noise.

Granted, their sound is now so soft that no one will hear them, so people will be burned alive or die from smoke poisoning.


I wish I could be a ninja turtle for a little while.

Yertle the turtle... I have had this as a sig on several forums: "And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free, as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be."

Granted! You are a ninja turtle, but your martial art skills could use a little work. All the bad guys get away.

I wish my neighbors would stop screaming at each other!!

Granted. They’ll stop screaming at each other. They’re so angry about your wish that they’ll start screaming at you instead.

I wish I was good at all martial arts

Granted, but you won't be a turtle.

I wish for no one to yell at me. It is most unpleasant...

Granted. You find yourself on Earth after the pod creatures of “Invasion of the body snatchers” have won. No one will scream at you again as long as you can keep up the charade of being one of them.

I wish I could be a martial arts skilled ninja turtle for a little while.

Granted, but your skills become better than your sensei's. He decides to severely injure you so you will no longer be better than him.

I wish I had some Swedish Fish.

Splinter would never!

Granted. They’re far past their ‘best before’ date though, and hard as rock. You’ll break some teeth trying to eat them.

I wish I could be a real turtle. Just for a little while.

Granted! You are a real turtle, but you are caked in salmonella.

I wish I had my own horse. Preferably a paint or chestnut American Quarter horse.

Granted. Here’s an adorable paint American Quarter Horse. It’s still just a foal, though, so there won’t be any riding it for another 4-5 years.

I wish I could have a pet octopus.

That’s the most blasphemous wish I’ve ever seen. Why would anyone wish for such a thing?

Granted, there is no net. We’ll lose what gives us a sense of connection and community. Yay, back to that.

I wish there were no power outages!! !

Granted! There will never be another power outage, but all you appliances go out at the same time.

I wish for a new dress. One the fits me perfectly, like it was made especially for me.

Granted. It fits you perfectly, as if it was magical. When you try to take it off, you find that it’s cursed. It shrinks, squeezing the life out of you as efficiently as a boa constrictor.

I wish for none of my appliances to go out.