Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. You can play the drums like Neil Peart but your friends in a band find your rhythms too complicated to join them.

I wish I belonged to a dynasty.

Granted! You now belong to Duck Dynasty, but you must grow a beard.

I wish my feet didn't hurt.

Granted. Now your socks feel like silk and your corns feel like gold but they somehow force you to walk to places you'd never planned to.

I wish I had the vision of an eagle.

Granted, you have the vision of an albino eagle.

I wish I had 20/20 vision.

Gross...I'm glad I don't have corns.

Granted! Your vision is a perfect 20/20, however, you are in a terrible accident that damages your corneas. You must have surgery to get transplants.

I wish things like sight and hearing were always perfect for everyone, and they stayed that way with age.

Granted, everyone is born with perfect senses and they aren’t dulled by age. But there is a sharp increase in extreme pre-senility. It almost seems a waste to have such sharp senses when people go senile in their 20’s.

I wish sinews/tendon always were reliable and never failed.

Granted! They never fail, but you develop early osteoporosis. Your bones fail you.

I wish I could find my brain today.

Granted, you find it, but you might be better off buying a new one!

I wish my bones won't fail me

Granted! Your bones will never fail you, however, you develop a rear blood disorder.

I wish to keep my old brain. I'm satisfied with it.

Granted. Well... as long as you're happy with it

I wish to never develop any blood disorder.

Granted. You never develop a blood disorder, now guess who is the favorite host for vampires everywhere?!

I wish I could turn into a bat.

Granted. You get White nose syndrome, and turning back to human doesn't rid you of it.

I wish to never have my blood sucked by either vampires, mosquitoes, ticks or other nasties.

Granted. You never blood-let. Unfortunately, your body bloats up from the excess hemoglobin running through your veins.

I wish I could write a novel.

Granted, you write a novel. No-one wants to publish it though, so you self-publish it, only to discover that no-one wants to buy it either.

I wish to only have the sufficient amount of hemoglobin.

Granted. You have the right amount of hemoglobin but it doesn't keep the vampires from casing you all night long.

I wish I could rob a bank and get away with it.

Granted. You rob a blood bank and get away with it.

I wish to always have garlic on me to discourage the vampires.