Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. The fusion reaction in our sun suddenly and mysteriously stops, causing the sun to go dark and our planet to turn into a big ice ball again, killing everything not living in the vicinity of an underwater thermal vent.

I wish our sun were reignited again (who's responsible for this madness?!) and the skies were overcast.

Granted. The sun is reignited and the skies are overcast. Unfortunately it was too late, all life has perished in the extreme cold.

I wish there still was life on planet Earth.

Granted, but it ain't intelligent life.

I wish I could see the whole history of Earth.

Granted. You're instantly transported 5 billion light years away, floating without a spacesuit next to the Universe's largest optical telescope. It's pointed and pre-focused on Earth. I'm jealous.

I wish I was in an intergalactic spaceship filled with 5.5 billion years worth of food & water, parked next to wherever Murihiku went.

Granted. You're in your intergalactic spaceship filled with 5.5 billion years of food; unfortunately, you picked up a bacterial infection on liftoff that ends you in three days.

I wish I knew magic like Gandalf.

Grant.... No. No, I'm afraid I just don't have it in me to corrupt that wish. I pass.

Granted, but you will have to meet Sauron in a magic duel to the death.
If you survive Sauron, Voldemort is next.
And after him...
You'll find that knowing magic like Gandalf is like being the quickest gun in the west. The challenges never cease.

I wish I could get to pilot Concorde.

Granted, but it crashes on a mysterious island. You survive the initial crash, but are then killed by the smoke monster soon thereafter. You might as well be on an episode of Lost.

I wish I didn't have to close at work tonight.

Granted, you won’t close to night. You’ll have to keep open all night… zzzzz….

I wish all my meals made themselves. I don’t wanna waste time on it.

Granted! They make themselves, however, they don't make themselves well. Your food tastes horrible.

I wish it was already tomorrow's lunch so I can enjoy the turkey feast that comes but once a year, and of course, my favorite, the pumpkin pie (which I make myself).

Granted, dig into the possibly under-cooked salmonella and campylobacter bomb of a turkey right now. Does the meat look a little pink? Nah, it's just the light. It tastes so good. Soon you feel a terrible pain in your stomach. You faint and wake up in hospital. It turns out that the slightly pink meat wasn't the main problem. A disgruntled employee had poured rat poisoning in the food on his last day there. As you're in hospital recovering from your ordeal, you learn that due to cutbacks several among the hospital staff have been given notice. Keeping an eye on them all will make your recovery a long one. Aww, here comes the nurse with a special treat for you, turkey and pumpkin pie, so you can finally have your once a year feast. Dare you dig in - again?

I wish my food always tastes good and have no icky consistency or off taste or icky parts.

Granted, but you'll soon suffer terminal flatulence.

I want my depression and anxiety to go away.

Granted! I won't corrupt it.

I wish I had a cute new haircut.

Granted, but now you're so cute you've become irresistible, so then you're on the cover of People's "10 Most Irresistible" list, and then you've lost all your privacy, forever and ever. Amen.

I wish I had a little house in the woods.

Granted, but you'll have to live like Laura Ingalls, and the whole Ingalls family during the 1870s.

I wish I wasn't freezing to death right now...

Granted, but you'll be warm and sweaty and then you'll get really thirsty.

I wish I had a dog.