Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but you can also never be anywhere near turtles either...ever!

I wish Obama would get impeached.

Granted, Obama gets impeached, but the bill is still passed. Enjoy your BEK/sloth!

I wish I could always be close to turtles.

Granted, but you have to get out of Norway first. You will never be allowed to return to your home country, and you will never see your family again.

I wish for the BEK/Sloth bill to not get passed.

Granted, the bill is stopped. Now furious BEK and sloth lovers attack their opponents, and the US sees a new civil war.

I wish to always be near both turtles and my family, and live where I please.

Granted, but turtle hide in their shells in your presence.

I wish for the USA to never see another civil war.

Granted, there won’t be a new civil war, but the old one will be rekindled.

I wish for no turtle to hide when I’m near them

Granted, but turn a walk the other way every time.

I wish for the old Civil War not to be rekindled.

Granted, now the War of Independence is rekindled instead.

I wish the turtles wouldn’t hide either.

Granted, but you suddenly and surprisingly develop chelonaphobia (fear of turtles). Who would have thought?!

I wish for no old wars to be rekindled.

Nooo!

Granted, no old wars are rekindled. Now all of America’s enemies attack at once. For the first time in history America is under siege.

I wish to never develop a phobia of or allergy to turtles!

Granted, but all turtles are allergic to you.

I wish for America to not ever be under siege.

That wasn’t meant to give you any ideas!

Granted, America isn’t under siege, but now terrorists blow up all the nuclear power plants in the US.

I wish no turtles was allergic to me.

Granted, but now there is a turtle apocalypse and thousands of turtles up and die without any known cause.

I wish terrorism would end.

Granted, terrorism ends. Now they’re all ‘freedom fighters’ and ‘rebels’. You’ll find they’re pretty much the same thing.

I wish for there to not be a turtle apocalypse.

Granted, but turtles flock to the highways by the hundreds. Many don't make it.

I wish it was warmer than 1 degree F (-17.22 degrees C). Stupid coldness.

Granted, it’s warmer than that. Now the temperature rises to – 17,0 C. T-shirt weather!

I wish for the turtles to flock in safe places and never get on the highway or any other type of street.