Corrupt A Wish

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I wouldn't put it past her.

Eh, granted.

I wish I had more things to wish for, but I'm totally out of ideas.

Granted, you have so many ideas you don’t know where to start and you grow very frustrated with having to wait your turn when there is so much you wish to write. It’s even worse with certain people who sort of move at a turtleish pace.

I wish to see a double rainbow again soon.

Granted but now you see everything double and not only rainbows. It's as if your mind's permanently drunk.

I wish I could have a robot maid in good working order, to clean my house and serve coffee etc.

Wish granted. But, there is no pot of gold at the end of said double-rainbow...only a bunch of drunk leprechauns.

Envirozental: Granted. batteries are not included and they are the type you have to special order for.

I wish my car would not get stuck in the snow.

Granted, but they do get stuck to the concrete whenever you try to start your car.

I wish that I could actually cook something besides eggs.

Granted. You now know how to cook pears.

I wish for a pizza to be delivered to my door right now.

Granted. The pizza gets delivered but it comes with worms because the pizza maker thought you wanted casu marzu cheese which contains worms.

I wish I was a good enough singer to be on American Idol.

Granted! You are good enough, but you soon develop throat nodules.

I wish I had more business knowledge.

Granted, you have more business knowledge, but you don’t do anything with that knowledge.

I wish I had a high-paying conservation job.

Granted! You save thousands of turtles every year. Go you!!

I wish I could stop sneezing.

Yay!

Granted, but your sneezing has already contaminated everyone else, and you know what that means right? Yup, time for nurse-maid duty again.

I wish my neighbors would move past something.

Granted! They get over that something, so that's all good now. However, the daycare outside your apartment added 20 more children. Loud, screaming, hyperactive children.

I wish to not play nurse-maid.

OMG, 70 of them!

Granted, you don’t play nurse-maid. As a result, they’re now in hospital with dehydration.

I wish to put those 20 screaming brats 6 foot… oops, I mean... I wish to put those 20 loud, screaming hyperactive children on Ritalin.

It's a good thing I'm only sneezing because of dust.

Wish denied!

I wish to not get dehydrated.

Granted, you don’t get dehydrated, but that dust was poisonous and you breathed in quite a bit.

I wish for all the children in the daycare to be home-daycared.