Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but a car doesn't see you crossing and you get run over.

I wish my mom would stop sniping at my brother.

Granted. Now she snipes at you all the time.

I wish I'd found a better place to live.

Granted, you find a better place to live, but just as soon as you move, your old neighbourhood is converted into a paradise.

I wish I wasn't so busy.

Granted, no you have nothing to do, you can't find work, you're still able to live and care for your pets, but you are forever alone.


I wish I could be a writer and get my books published.

Granted, but the books are so terrible that they are torn apart by every single critic, and you hardly make any money off of them.

I wish I could record and play back all my dreams.

Granted, but when you see your nightmares they drive you insane and even your therapist couldn't help and you end up committing suicide.




I wish that every wish I made could never be corrupted.


(Ha!)

Granted, but it turns out an evil spirit was inhabiting your body and made that post, so it's not "your" wish. So his wishes cannot be corrupted, but yours can.

I wish I was done all my projects.

Granted. Every single project out of the infinitely many you could have in life is done. There's nothing left for you to do, ever. You die of boredom.

I wish I had time for all my projects.

Granted, but they all seem to involve making a nuclear bomb that will destroy the world. And guess what, you complete them!

I wish the weather was nicer.

Granted, except now it never rains and all the plants and trees die!

I was chocolate was healthy for you.

Granted, but it tastes like poop with rat poison in it.

I wish the contestants on Jeopardy would get the right answer all of the time.

Granted. But then the show gets too boring and ends up canceled.

I wish snow was warm instead of cold, so you won't have to wear heavy winter clothes walking through it or playing in it.

Granted, but it is now freezing cold in the summer.

I wish I had a higher post count.

Granted. They are so nice that they surround you with hugs and kisses whenever you step outside, until you can't breathe and just want to be left alone. Also, they leave you numerous gift baskets filled with their favourite foods--stale asparagus and rotten tomatoes.

I wish I had a faster computer.

Granted. Your computer is now so fast that it (allegedly) has broken the light barrier. Too bad it's now too far away for you to reach it. You don't even know which way it went!

I wish that my neighbors wouldn't leave their excess garden veggies on my doorstep.