Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. You have to write a 1000-page novel instead.

I wish to have my cake and eat it too.

Granted. Here's your lovely vanilla cake with a delectable filling of sewage and vomit.

I wish it was summer.

granted. it's the last day of summer and you will soon face a brutal, chilling winter.

i wish i could anchor my character's feet to a wooden block so i could do better stop motion.

Granted, but you'll have to wait over a month for it.

I wish I could lose another 10 kgs or so.

(actually, i did exactly that just the month after i posted that.)

granted. you lose the 10 kgs in your head. it's a hollow, thin shell.

i wish my teeth would never decay.

granted. they just fell out

I wish I didn't have to clean the bathroom.

Granted, but you now have to clean the sewers.

I wish my dad wasn't working a 12-hour shift today.

Granted, he's been fired.

I wish for a pint of beer.

Granted, but it's really flat and tasteless.

I wish it was time for me to have a snack.

Granted, but all you have in the house is kitty litter.

I wish it was next year.

Granted, but World War III breaks out as soon as next year begins.

I wish I could earn money by posting on Wrong Planet.

Granted.... you get paid 0.000001 cents per post.

I wish I could sleep right now.

You did fall asleep right then, for 0.5 seconds.

I wish I had a zillion dollars in my bank account.

Granted, but the world suddenly decides to abolish the use of money, so all that money is now worthless.

I wish I never felt anxious again.

Granted, your anxiety triggers a heart attack and you suddenly drop dead, never to feel anxious ever again.

I wish for a chocolate eclair.

Granted, as long as you give me one. (I dont really get this. Am I doing it right?)

What is this, Madoka Magica?

I want a real pet pokemon. Anyone that's not poison typed.