Corrupt A Wish

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Granted, but you can only charge up the battery by pedalling twice as hard.

I wish to lose a few kilos weight.

Granted... but you gain ten kilos the next day.

I wish my art homework wasn't so tedious.

Granted. It is now easier but you will get an F on it.

I wish for a clean comfortable non-broken new chair.

Granted. But it's one of those tiny chairs they have in pre-school rooms that are only comfortable for four year olds.

I wish Benedict Cumberbatch would kiss me like he means it.

Granted, but he puts so much effort into it you accidentally swallow his false teeth.

I wish for a pet penguin.

Granted, but it keeps pecking at you and pooping on the floor.

I wish nothing bad would happen at the family get-together tonight.

Granted... Nothing bad can happen because the get-together is canceled.

I wish it wouldn't storm.

Granted, there is never any storms or rain again, just scorchingly hot, dry weather. A drought soon begins.

I wish I was better at drawing.

Granted. But no one will understand your drawing forever.

I wish I don't have to work.

Granted, but you fly too close to the sun, your wings melt off, and you fall into the ocean.

I wish that I could have straight teeth without a retainer.

Granted, but they're bright yellow.

I wish I could fall asleep immediately at night.

Granted. You fall asleep down a five-hundred-metre-deep well.

I wish I didn’t have to worry about being seen by someone in my current state.

Granted, but now you look so pretty that everyone who looks at you automatically faints when they see you.

I wish my cats would stop fighting each other.

Granted, they now wage war upon you.

I wish to have a better singing voice.

Granted. You sing so well that the paparazzi hound you every second of every day and you can't get any privacy.

I wish people would stop teasing my brother.