Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. You have so much energy that you attempt to do ten things at once at top speed, and do badly on all of them.

I wish Donald Trump would not win the election.

Granted, the Klu Klux Klan took over america in a coup and now the country became a Xenophobic Christian Theocracy.


I wish I was omniscient.

Granted, you know everything, including the dirty details of everyone's sex life, and that all your friends and family secretly hate you. So you spend all your time either grossed out or miserable.

I wish every thread I started would get a lot of posts.

Granted! They get so many posts that the site overrides and is almost always taken over by Cloud Flare, the thing that comes for this website at 11:00 every night.

I wish Neopets would work on my iPad.

Granted, but your iPad gets stolen immediately.

I wish could fly.

Granted. On your first day of flying, you crash into a power line and get electrocuted.

I wish it wasn't so cold outside.

Granted. Instead, it gets a little too warm and all the hair on your body singes off permanently. You end up getting a tattoo of eyebows on your face, but it goes horribly wrong!

I wish everyone loved me unconditionally like pets do.

Granted. People are always licking your face and sniffing your private parts.

I wish I never felt pain.

Granted, however because of it you respond to slowly to disfiguring bodily damage.

I wish I was better at running.

Granted. You can run at Usain Bolt-like speed, but you forget to look where you're going, run into a lake and drown.

I wish every book I want was available at the nearby library.

Granted. You begin wanting more and more books, millions of billions, and they all come into the library until one day the library becomes so crammed with books that it collapses and the entire town is buried underneath millions of billions of books.

I wish I could alter my height like in Alice in Wonderland.

Granted. You can only switch between two heights--as small as an ant and as tall as a tree. In the former, you're constantly afraid of getting stepped on, plus you can't really do anything; in the latter, you have to stand outside in the cold in the winter, plus townspeople view you as a dangerous monster and want to kill you.

I wish I could cook.

Everything you cook takes ten days to start cooling down, by which time it's gone mouldy.

I wish my Firefox browser would take more kindly to Wrong Planet.

Granted. They fall into deep love and walk off into the sunset of the internet together, leaving you with no Firefox and no WP.

I wish the thread I'm about to start would get a large number of replies.

Granted, but the replies were comments raging about how bad your thread is.



I wish that pokemon were real.

Granted. They take over the world and turn it into a dystopia where Pokemon have all the rights and humans are forced into slavery, and if you protest you get killed by their powers.

I wish I could travel into books.